Corporal White, Toni
by Trekkie 4077
Summary: MASH fanfic about 4077 and one Corporal, Toni White... Oh, PG-13, I think...
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER  
  
I do not own the TV- series M*A*S*H, nor do I own the MASH base 4077 which is probably located somewhere in Korea. As well as not owning that, I do not own BJ, Potter, Klinger or Hawkeye (unfortunately), nor do I own any thing else seen in this series.  
  
However, I do own my story, and Jack, and Quinn, and Toni, as well as Yvette.  
  
Although the ownership of Quinn could be debated, seeing how I've actully mixed Star Trek into this. Quinn, for reference, is the Q that committed suicide on Voyager. So technically I don't own Quinn any more than I own MASH. Dammit.  
  
Oh, I also don't own the Metallica song Nothing Else Matters, which is the best song in the world, and could most likely feature a number of times in this story.  
  
I do not plan on making money on this, so you can't sue me!  
  
In total the story, without the Disclaimer is 21085 words long, so get ready for a very bumpy ride.  
  
WARNING  
  
Word of warning to MASH fans, I know I portrayed Klinger really badly, it's just that in all my time of watching MASH I don't think I've ever seen him angry, so I thought it was about time he unleashed a little of all that anger he must have bottled up inside.  
  
Also it's a little dark. Somewhat graphic torture scenes., and one or two references to rape.  
  
It also has a very different ending from the actual TV series, which makes it an AU. Yay!  
  
---  
  
She was new to the school.  
  
That was why she didn't fit in. At least, that was the reason she told herself, and the reason the teachers said they believed.  
  
But she knew it wasn't true.  
  
They just didn't like her. She was different. It wasn't something you could see, it was something more, something deeper, something no one could put a finger on, and that was what mattered.  
  
She lived her life, and they went on with theirs. Sure, a futile attempt was made for her to fit in when she first arrived, but that went straight downhill after the first day or so.  
  
It wasn't that she was ugly, or stupid, quite the opposite, in fact.  
  
There was just something about her that made others uneasy.  
  
She was so damned sure of herself. Of course she was wrong often, she was human after all, but she had always had a firm opinion in everything, and she was 100% sure she was right.  
  
And they stayed away from her. And she was happy that way.  
  
Not that you'd think so looking at her. Her eyes were dark, and she always wore thick eyeliner.  
  
She had a small half smile that looked sarcastic, like she knew something vital you didn't know, that she permanently wore, and when she saw you watching her one lip would curl, as if she were attempting to fully smile for the first time.  
  
But no one ever looked at her long enough to see her fully smile.  
  
---  
  
"Toni."  
  
She turned slowly. "Can I help you?" She asked quietly.  
  
"The assignment you did. It was good."  
  
He seemed to be waiting for a response, so she said neutrally, "thank you."  
  
"Strange topic though."  
  
She looked at him. "Youth suicide? I thought it was quite relevant to the topic of community issues."  
  
"I expected something about the amount of litter in the town."  
  
"I have never liked doing the expected. Beside, I wanted to do well. Youth suicide is such a broad topic, I thought if I did it well enough the assignment should work out well."  
  
"Well it did turn out well. You brought up some very unique views."  
  
Toni inwardly cringed at the term 'unique'. She had heard that before, and not quite in the same context.  
  
"When are you handing them back?" She asked, attempting to end the conversation that had taken an unwanted turn.  
  
As if sensing her discomfort, David leaned against the wall casually. "I haven't completed marking them all yet."  
  
"I see."  
  
David smiled. "I'll talk to you later."  
  
"Of course."  
  
---  
  
She heard the sounds of waves crashing, and wished she could be there, free, away from all of life's hassles.  
  
A song rang through her head as she sat on the beach watching the waves form, and then collapse.  
  
So close, no matter how far  
  
Story of my life so far.  
  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
  
Forever trust in who we are  
  
and nothing else matters  
  
Never opened myself this way  
  
life is our we live it our way  
  
all these words I don't just say  
  
and nothing else matters  
  
Trust I seek and I find in you  
  
everyday full of something new  
  
open mind for a different view  
  
and nothing else matters  
  
This was currently one of her favourite songs, and it seemed to sum up her entire life, though she didn't know how.  
  
never cared for what they do  
  
never cared for what they know  
  
but I know  
  
never opened myself this way  
  
life is our we live it our way  
  
all these words I don't just say  
  
and nothing else matters  
  
Maybe it was about the rest of the world. They were so wrapped up in what they knew - or thought the knew - that to her their life seemed almost trivial.  
  
never cared for what they say  
  
never cared for games they play  
  
never cared for what they do  
  
never cared for what they know  
  
and I know  
  
yeah  
  
So close, no matter how far  
  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
  
Forever trust in who we are  
  
no, nothing else matters  
  
The song in her head ended, and she fell asleep on the beach.  
  
---  
  
"Toni. Toni! Wake up!"  
  
She slowly opened her eyes. "Yvette?"  
  
"Yes, it's me. You fell asleep here again."  
  
Toni groaned. "What's the time?" She asked.  
  
"It's one thirty in the morning."  
  
"You shouldn't have come for me. You know I'll be alright."  
  
Yvette shook her head. "No way." She held out her hand. "Come on. Lets go."  
  
Toni took the hand and the wandered on the beach. It took her a few minutes to realize they were going the wrong way.  
  
"Sis." She muttered. "We're going the wrong way."  
  
"I know. I just thought you need a walk to clear your head."  
  
Toni smiled, now almost fully awake. "Thanks."  
  
Yvette nodded. "Not a problem."  
  
"How was uni today? Or should I say yesterday?"  
  
"Fine. Just one more week to go."  
  
---  
  
In time she drifted further away from her parents, and moved in with her older sister at the end of year ten so she could focus on her V*C*E studies.  
  
At the end of her high school education she considered going to a university to study medicine, and certainly had a high enough end of year score for it, but decided instead to join the army services.  
  
---  
  
When she was twenty one she was sent to Korea, to serve as a paper-shuffler for MASH4077. Toni White was not happy. 


	2. Dramatic Arrival

2nd - Dramatic Arrival  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
Pause.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
Toni ground her teeth. "If you ask that one more time, I promise you will not make it to the 4077th."  
  
Jack and Quinn exchanged an amused look. Simultaneously they both replied, "are we there yet?"  
  
She jumped up and one of her knifes flashed against Jack's jugular. "Say it one more time, and you will die."  
  
"Sorry, girl. Calm down. Friggin psychopath."  
  
Toni sat back down, and flicked the blade back.  
  
"Is everything okay back there?" A voice came over the radios.  
  
Jack glanced at Toni. "Just fine. How much longer have we got to go?"  
  
"About six hours. Sit tight."  
  
Toni closed her eyes, and tried to rest.  
  
As soon as she felt like as was about to sleep, the helicopter rocked.  
  
"What was that?" She snapped into her helmet's radio.  
  
There was the crackling of static. "We are under attack! Repeat, we are under attack!"  
  
Quinn pulled three parachutes from under his seat, and passed one to Jack, then Toni, who took it with a suspicious "thank you".  
  
The helicopter jerked violently left. The three soldiers looked at each other and nodded, clasping hands briefly.  
  
"Let's go!"  
  
Toni was the first to jump, and she didn't look back. She knew the pilot was as good as dead, and right now emotions could get them all killed.  
  
Toni felt giddy, and the view from midair was amazing. She pulled her cord, and felt the parachute jerk slightly. She pulled harder, and it released, letting her float to the ground, landing surprisingly softly on the grass.  
  
As she took her bearings Jack landed hard beside her, gasping.  
  
She knelt next to him. "What is it?"  
  
"They shot me. What are the chances in midair." his eyes lost their focus, and his voice trailed off.  
  
Toni was aware of Quinn landing beside her neatly as she tried to keep Jack conscious.  
  
"What happened to him?"  
  
Toni grunted, trying to take Jack's parachute off. "They shot him. I need to get his parachute off before I can tell you anything else."  
  
Quinn helped, and the parachute came off quickly.  
  
"Shit." Teri removed Jack's shirt and rolled it up, holding it against a gaping hole in his lower back.  
  
"In need an emergency kit."  
  
Quinn obediently opened his pack and pulled out a survival kit.  
  
Jack's shirt was already covered in blood, and there were no cloth patches in the medical kit, so Toni took off her jacket, passing Quinn her backpack.  
  
Quickly she folded it and covered the wound with it, then tightly wrapped a bandage out of the emergency kit around it.  
  
She stood, and looked at the map Quinn had.  
  
"I'd say we're about here." Quinn pointed to a place on the map.  
  
Toni frowned. "Which means we're about five hours walking distance from MASH 4077. I assume our radios are out." She glanced at Jack, who was mumbling incoherently and thrashing around, then Quinn who nodded. The radios were out.  
  
"We need to carry him, that will bring us back probably an hour, maybe even more."  
  
"No if one of us went ahead of the other." Quinn pointed out.  
  
Toni sighed. She looked at her watch. "What time were we due at 4077?"  
  
"Five - sorry, seventeen hundred hours."  
  
She waved her hand. "Call it what you like. That means that we'll get there at about eight tonight. We can't send one of us ahead. If we run into trouble we'll need the other."  
  
She picked up her pack and slid it on, fastening it around her waist.  
  
"How are we supposed to carry him?" Quinn demanded.  
  
"I'll take his legs, you take his shoulders."  
  
Quinn stared at her. "This man has a bullet wound to his back. There is no way we can carry him out safely."  
  
"What do you suggest we do then?"  
  
Quinn licked his lips - they were dry already. "I'll go. You stay here with Jack."  
  
Toni sighed, and paced a few steps, thinking.  
  
Finally she stopped. "Have you got everything you need?"  
  
"All I need is water. The map says there's no mountains or massive ditches, I should be right." Toni took her pack off, and Quinn put his on. "Don't worry. I'll be back with a jeep before you know it."  
  
He turned and started walking.  
  
"Quinn!"  
  
He turned, and she threw him her knife.  
  
"I want that back." She said evenly.  
  
---  
  
"Toni?"  
  
She turned, putting aside the matches. "Jack. How are you?" She asked, feeling his forehead for a temperature.  
  
He licked his lips. "I feel like something's drained every last drop of liquid from me. But other than that, and the throbbing pain that is coming from between my shoulder blades I'm fine. How are you, girl?"  
  
She smiled. "Been better." She admitted. "Are you comfortable enough?"  
  
"I'm fine for now." He looked at her strangely. "You know, I would never have thought of you like this?"  
  
"Like what?" She asked, turning back to the fire she was working on.  
  
"I don't know. All. not sentimental exactly, but."  
  
"Caring?" She suggested.  
  
He weakly snapped his fingers. "Yah, that's it. Caring."  
  
"I value my mystique."  
  
"Would never have guessed."  
  
Toni smiled again as the fire went up into the night, sending out waves of heat. "Is that better?" She asked.  
  
"Much, th-"  
  
"Shhh!" Toni stood carefully, reaching down to grab a second knife from her boot.  
  
"How many of those things have you got?" Jack muttered quietly.  
  
"Never enough." She stepped back into the shadows, hearing footsteps.  
  
She crept forward one more step, and gasped as she was grabbed from behind.  
  
The assailant pulled her back, and grabbed the knife from her.  
  
He turned her so she was facing him, and he smiled.  
  
Toni struggled, but he hit her across the face with a gun.  
  
"This one's female. In good condition."  
  
A gruff voice replied, "the male's looking bad."  
  
She was pushed harshly to where Jack was lying, and forced onto her knees.  
  
The second man pulled Jack up onto his knees too, so they were side-by- side.  
  
"Hey! Leave him alone! He's injured!" She snapped, attempting to stand.  
  
She felt a gun point dig into her back. "If I were you, I would not move." The one behind her said in roughly accented English.  
  
---  
  
"Hey BJ. Weren't we getting a new paper-shuffler today?"  
  
"I wouldn't know. Nobody ever tells me anything."  
  
"No, really. I thought we were getting another Corporal around here. Like Klinger isn't enough."  
  
BJ stopped pushing the food around on his plate and stood. "Let's go find out then."  
  
Hawkeye followed him out of the mess tent.  
  
They arrived at Potter's office, and met Klinger in the entry.  
  
"Hey Klinger, when's that other Corporal due in?" Hawkeye asked, leaning against a filing cabinet.  
  
"Other Corporal?" Klinger asked. "Oh, you mean Toni White. Uh, she should have been here by now." He checked the clock. "She should have been here two hours ago!" He jumped up and went into Potter's office.  
  
"Colonel Potter, sir, Toni White. Have you had any word from her?"  
  
"Toni White?"  
  
Hawkeye smirked. "Come on sir. The newest paper shuffler."  
  
"Oh, Corporal Toni White." Sherman shifted some papers on his desk. "No, no word from her."  
  
Suddenly there was a loud commotion outside.  
  
Klinger ran out, closely followed by Hawkeye, BJ and Potter.  
  
"What's going on?" Sherman demanded.  
  
"Captain Quinn." A breathless man said quickly. "I was coming through on my way to MASH4080 with Captain Jack Morris and Corporal Toni White. Our helicopter was shot down. They need help. Jack's hurt." he bent over, trying to get fresh air into his exhausted lungs.  
  
Hawkeye and BJ exchanged a glance. "We're going." They said simultaneously.  
  
Sherman nodded. "Houlihan is with you. Klinger, get the Major."  
  
Klinger ran to her tent quickly.  
  
Hawkeye got a jeep ready while BJ got three packs of survival bags.  
  
---  
  
"What do you want from me?" Toni asked, annoyed. For the last hour her and Jack had just sat there, while the two Korean men had been talking quietly, yet animatedly to each other.  
  
One of them seemed about to answer, then thought better of it. "Shut up." It was the first one, the one that had her knife. If only she could get close enough.  
  
"Don't even think about it, girl." He advised, knowing with she was thinking.  
  
Jack swayed, and appeared about to collapse.  
  
"Can't he at least lie back down? You saw his wound. He isn't going anywhere."  
  
"He stays like you." The was the second man, it was the second time he spoke, and his voice was deep, and not as accented as the first one.  
  
Toni bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from replying.  
  
It didn't work for long. "He's going to faint. Can't-"  
  
The second man hit her, not too hard, just a warning blow.  
  
She knelt back on her heels, and scowled. There has to be a way out! She thought desperately. I didn't pass high school for this!  
  
"Do you hear that?"  
  
"Hear what?"  
  
The second man turned slowly. "A truck. There are people coming."  
  
The first grabbed his gun again, and took position behind Jack and Toni. "You see what's happening. First sign of trouble and I'll take out one of these."  
  
Toni could hear Quinn, and another man she didn't know talking.  
  
"Hey! Put any weapons down, and come out here slowly!"  
  
"No way." She heard Quinn snarl.  
  
"Put it down or one of them dies." The Korean soldier pointed to where Toni and Jack were. Toni recognized the other man as BJ Hunnicutt from the files she's looked up before coming.  
  
BJ indicated to Quinn. "Put it down." He said quickly.  
  
"No. I'm not gonna let Toni and Jack die for no reason."  
  
The Korean man yelled, and a gunshot went off.  
  
Toni was aware of being splattered with blood, but everything after that was a blur. BJ was pulling Quinn back, but he resisted and fired at the first man, then the second, hitting both. Two more American fighters came from the darkness, Toni recognised them as Benjamin Pierce and Margaret Houlihan.  
  
Quinn stood in shock, holding the firearm with numb fingers.  
  
BJ pulled the weapon from him slowly, and walked him back to the jeep.  
  
Toni felt everything go black, and for the first time didn't resist the darkness. 


	3. Past Relations

3rd - Past Relations  
  
"What happened?" She asked for the third time. "Where's Quinn?"  
  
BJ looked at her. "He's gone already."  
  
"What?" Then the past day's events came back to her. "Where's Jack?" She demanded, trying to sit up.  
  
"Hey, slow down." BJ put a hand gently, but firmly on her shoulder and made her lie again.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"Look, Toni-"  
  
"Corporal White." She corrected.  
  
BJ frowned. "If that's how you want it." He shrugged, then sobered up. "White, he didn't make it."  
  
Toni sank back into the bed.  
  
"He didn't have a chance. Even if he could have gotten back here after the first shot I doubt his chances."  
  
"Yes, sir. If you don't mind, I'd like to rest now."  
  
BJ stood, defeated. He paused. "Oh, he gave me this to give to you." He passed Toni her knife, and left the room after stopping to consult her chart for a moment.  
  
She closed her eyes, holding the knife tightly to her chest.  
  
---  
  
"Toni! Wake up! Wake up!"  
  
"Yvette? Am I on the beach again?" She muttered, half incoherently.  
  
The hand shook her harder. "Corporal White!"  
  
She jerked up, and shook the hand off her. "Yes sir?" She asked formally, sitting carefully, keeping a firm grip on the knife.  
  
"Don't call me sir. Here, the only person you need to call sir is Charles. But we'll get to the bad side of 4077 later."  
  
"Alright, Hunnicutt."  
  
"The name is BJ."  
  
"Or not. Am I allowed out of here yet?"  
  
BJ nodded. "Yes, but before you go you'll have to talk to Father Mulcahy."  
  
"Why?" She demanded hotly.  
  
"Hey, calm down. Just because of what happened back there with Jack and Quinn."  
  
"Nothing happened, and I'll be fine." She swung her legs over the bed, and tucked the knife back into it's customary position in her boot. "Where do I go for orders?"  
  
"Nowhere, until I say you can, which will be after the Father visits you."  
  
Toni glared at him. "Fine. When will that be?"  
  
"Right now if you want." A voice said from the door.  
  
She sat up looked over at the man. "Now's as good a time than any."  
  
BJ looked at Mulcahy, then Toni. "I'll leave you two to it." He stood and left, with a slight, almost ironic salute. Toni wasn't sure if it was directed to her or Mulcahy, but she returned it anyway. She stared at the Father. "So what happens now?"  
  
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"  
  
"Nothing happened, Father." She snapped. She had never liked counsellors.  
  
---  
  
"There's certainly no reason to keep her in the infirmary. She's fine, physically. But she just seems. I don't know. there's something about her. I don't know maybe I'm just crazy."  
  
"Well we all knew that, BJ." Hawkeye interjected quickly.  
  
BJ rolled his eyes.  
  
"So is she fit for duty or not, men?" Sherman asked before BJ could reply.  
  
"Fine by me." BJ said, looking at Mulcahy.  
  
"Yes." He said slowly. "Though I wouldn't mind bumping in to her now and then."  
  
"Alright then, she's on duty as of now." Sherman said decisively. "Klinger!"  
  
"Yes sir?" The man's head poked around the half-shut door.  
  
"Could you please get Toni for me?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
---  
  
Toni walked in a few minutes later, in a fresh uniform, with a slightly strained look on her face. Her cheeks were flushed, and she looked like she was barely holding back anger.  
  
"Corporal Toni White, reporting for duty, sir!" She snapped, standing at attention in front of Potter's desk.  
  
"At ease." He replied, surprised. He wasn't used to being greeted like that.  
  
She ignored Hawkeye and BJ, putting her hands behind her back comfortably.  
  
"Uh, Toni-"  
  
"That's Corporal White, sir." BJ said, no trace of sarcasm in his innocent tone.  
  
Toni glared at him. "Whatever you prefer, sir."  
  
"Toni. Meet Captain Benjamin Pierce, also known as Hawkeye, and Captain BJ Hunnicutt."  
  
"I have met Captain Hunnicutt, sir." Toni informed him coldly, while still sticking to protocol.  
  
Sherman's eyes flicked from Toni's stony face to BJ's amused and innocuous gaze. "Good. You'll be working with him and Hawkeye more than others around here, so it will be good for you to get to know each other as soon as possible. I also believe you met Father Mulcahy. If there's any problems or anything you want to discuss of personal nature, he's your man. That's all for now, I'll give you two days to settle in before you start working."  
  
"With all due respect, sir, that's not how it's supposed to happen. From the moment I step into the camp I'm on duty." Toni replied.  
  
"Yes well, I'm sure you'll find that things don't exactly go straight to protocol around here. But I'm sure you'll get to learn your way around those things as you spend time around the camp. For now I'll leave you in the capable hands of BJ and Hawkeye, who'll show you to your tent."  
  
He dismissed them with a wave of his hand.  
  
Toni stood at attention and saluted him before following Pierce and Hunnicutt out of his office.  
  
"Alright, general introductions should be first-"  
  
"If you don't mind, Captains, I have already looked through 4077's files. I know who is who. Maybe we could hold off the introductions until I've settled in first."  
  
BJ and Hawkeye exchanged a look.  
  
"Alright, whatever you say, White." Hawkeye replied, attempting to sound cheerful.  
  
The walked silently to Toni's tent.  
  
Her bags that had been sent straight from her old base were already there.  
  
She picked two of them up, and BJ reached for the third automatically.  
  
Toni opened her mouth, about to protest, then shut it quickly. She stepped into the dark tent and opened one of the flaps which covered a window.  
  
"Who had this before I came?" She asked out of curiosity.  
  
"No one. We erected it just for you."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "We?"  
  
"Me, BJ, and Klinger."  
  
One side of her cheek twitched. "Thank you, then."  
  
She opened one of her bags and started unpacking.  
  
"Do you want us to go, or...?" BJ asked.  
  
Toni shrugged. "I don't mind. I've got nothing in here you've never seen before."  
  
Hawkeye shrugged and sat on the other bed.  
  
"Am I sharing?" She asked, pointing to the spare bed.  
  
"No, but you will probably end up sharing sometime."  
  
Toni nodded. "Are there room inspections?"  
  
BJ and Hawkeye laughed. "I sure hope not."  
  
"Yeh, they might discover the still." BJ added.  
  
"Worse than that they might use the still."  
  
"Or even steal the still. Can't let that happen."  
  
Toni just looked at them. "You have a still in your tent?" She shook her head. "Why does that not surprise me?"  
  
"Because nothing surprises you." A voice said from the doorway.  
  
----  
  
Toni spun to face him. "You still don't knock, do you Maxwell." She snapped.  
  
"Well it's not like you would have let me in or anything, Corporal."  
  
"Get out of my tent now."  
  
"Well that's changed. It used to be 'get out of my room!'."  
  
Toni narrowed her eyes. "Just get the hell out. And take your friends with you."  
  
Klinger shook his head. "She's crazy." He told the others.  
  
Toni burst out laughing. "Hey, you're the one in the dress, Maxwell."  
  
BJ and Hawkeye, who'd been silent up until the point started edging toward the door.  
  
"So what? I'm doing for a reason at least."  
  
"Yeh, you're a coward looking for any reason-"  
  
She was stopped short when Klinger's fist connected with her jaw. "Take that back!" He yelled, standing over her.  
  
BJ grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the tend quickly.  
  
Hawkeye helped her off the floor, and looked at the bruise. "Are you okay?" He asked.  
  
She jerked away. "I'm fine." She turned her back on him and continued unpacking.  
  
"Hey, that's not way to talk to a fellow officer." Hawkeye commented.  
  
"Sorry, sir." Toni replied with a bitter edge to her voice.  
  
"That's not what I meant, Toni, and you know it." He turned her back around to face him. "What happened back there? I think that's the first time I've ever seen Klinger angry, let alone hit anyone."  
  
"Look, Pierce, it's none of your business. It's between me and Maxwell."  
  
"It is my business. You were my patient back there, and that makes you my responsibility for the rest of your career here. You know what that means? That all you little problems, are my big ones, and that I want to help."  
  
Toni almost laughed. "Yeh, I've heard that one before."  
  
For once Hawkeye didn't know what to say. "Alright Toni, I'll see you in the mess tent at seventeen hundred." He turned and walked out, leaving Toni alone to unpack.  
  
---  
  
"I don't care! What happened back there Klinger?"  
  
"It's none of your business."  
  
Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Oh, bad case of déjà vu here."  
  
"Well it's not any of your business!" Klinger retorted.  
  
BJ and Hawkeye looked at each other. "Do I have to repeat what I told Corporal White? Whatever is her business is mine. She is still my patient, whether or not she's injured."  
  
Klinger turned away from them and started to walk off.  
  
"Hey! We're not done yet. Toni isn't saying anything about what happened and I want to know why you got so worked up about what she said. Surely other people have made those kind of comments before."  
  
"Of course they have. It's just-" Klinger stopped, realizing what he was about to say.  
  
"What?" BJ pressed.  
  
Klinger shook his head. "I can't say."  
  
"Well if you don't we're going to Colonel Potter about it. You can't just assault members of this camp. You know that, Klinger."  
  
Klinger shook his head. "It won't happen again, sir." He said, and walked away.  
  
"You just gonna let him go like that?" BJ demanded.  
  
Hawkeye waved his hand. "Don't worry. We'll get the real story sometime. You can't come into a camp of over fifty people and expect to keep secrets like that."  
  
BJ sighed, and they both went back to The Swamp. 


	4. Yelling at God

4th - Yelling at God  
  
"So close, no matter how far. Couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trust in who we are. And nothing else matters. Never opened myself this way. Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don't just say. And nothing else matters. Trust I seek, and-"  
  
"You could try trusting one of us." A suggestion came from the doorway.  
  
Toni stopped singing abruptly and spun to face them. "What, you don't knock either?"  
  
"We did. You somehow didn't hear us."  
  
"Actually I did. The fact I ignored you should be a hint that I don't want to talk to anyone."  
  
BJ crossed his arms. "We're not leaving until you-"  
  
"What? Do you want to know how we met? What happened? The fine details?"  
  
"We'll eventually get all of the above. The sooner the better." Hawkeye replied.  
  
"You're in on this too, Father?"  
  
Mulcahy looked uncomfortable. "I was not my idea, Corporal."  
  
"Yes, but you're here, though, aren't you?" She pointed out.  
  
"That song you were singing. Who's it by?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
Toni glared at him. "Why?"  
  
"It sounds interesting, that's all."  
  
"Just a song someone once taught me. I've never heard the actual version." She replied softly.  
  
"Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt please report to Colonel Potter's office." Klinger's voice came over the camp P.A, and the two rolled their eyes.  
  
"We'll be back." Hawkeye promised.  
  
"Great. I'll make sure my door's locked." Toni retorted with her usual attitude.  
  
Hawkeye and BJ saluted Mulcahy ironically, and left.  
  
"Are you leaving, Father?" Toni asked coldly.  
  
He looked at her, considering a response. "I think I'll stay, as long as that's alright with you."  
  
"Why wouldn't it be? I have to finish unpacking." She purposely turned her back on him and opened her last bag. The previous two had held clothes, but this one had personal items. It was really only a small bag.  
  
Carefully she pulled out a set of seven books, and placed them on her desk, next to a small pile of papers she already had to sort.  
  
Next came a file of papers that she had brought from home.  
  
"What's in that?" Mulcahy asked, trying to make conversation.  
  
"Letters." Came the short reply.  
  
He nodded, trying to act satisfied with the quick answer.  
  
She unpacked the rest in silence, until she came to the last item.  
  
It was a blade, handcrafted, and beautiful in a deadly way. It was sheathed, and Toni held it carefully.  
  
"What is that?" Mulcahy asked in awe.  
  
"It is a sword, Father." Toni replied coolly.  
  
He swallowed. "I can see that, Toni. Where did you get it?"  
  
"Someone I know once gave it to me." She replied softly.  
  
"It's magnificent."  
  
Toni nodded slightly. "I know."  
  
"Who gave it to you?"  
  
The trance Toni was in broke. "No one important." She snapped, putting the sword behind her desk, where no one could see it. "Look, Father. If you really want to help, and I emphasize if, please just try to keep Corporal Klinger away from me." Toni added quietly.  
  
"Why, Toni?" He asked, looking into her eyes.  
  
"Please, I can't discuss it. Can't you see that?" She replied desperately.  
  
Mulcahy sighed, and looked away. "If that's what you want. But I can only suggest that you attempt to talk things out with the Corporal. He is a decent man-"  
  
"How well do you know him, Father?" Toni asked, no challenge in her tone, just weariness.  
  
"I thought I knew him well, but from what Hawkeye and BJ say I don't know him well enough. If you like I can mediate discussions between the two of you."  
  
Toni looked thoughtful. "Father, if you're allowed to tell me, has Maxwell ever received grief counselling?"  
  
Mulcahy blinked. "Um, not that I know of, Corporal."  
  
"When did was he drafted?"  
  
Mulcahy frowned. "Six years ago."  
  
Toni almost smiled. "And he's been here ever since?"  
  
"Yes, I don't see what you're getting at, Toni."  
  
She shook her head. "That's alright, I see it now. Thank you, Father."  
  
She looked at him expectantly, and he realized he was being subtly told it was time for him to leave.  
  
He stood. "If there's nothing else.?"  
  
"That's okay, thank you." Toni replied. "I'll see you at the mess at seven hundred with the others, right?"  
  
"Of course." He walked out, leaving a thoughtful Toni wondering what would happen next.  
  
---  
  
"So what exactly will I be doing?" Toni asked coldly.  
  
"Whatever jobs need doing at the time." Klinger replied, just as coldly, without looking at her.  
  
They suddenly heard choppers. Without looking at each other they ran out to help.  
  
The rest was a rush of bodies, orders and blood.  
  
Toni hurried from patient to patient taking names, numbers and ranks, then taking the information back to Klinger to file.  
  
After all the patients had gone through triage she tracked him down to talk.  
  
"What do you want?" He demanded.  
  
"To talk, that's all. I want to know how you've been the past six years."  
  
He glared at her. "Do you really want to know? About those nights I couldn't sleep without her face haunting my dreams, blaming it all on me? About how many times my own screaming woke me up?"  
  
Unknown to both Klinger and Toni, Hawkeye had heard them, and was listening keenly from behind the latrine.  
  
"You're not the only one with nightmares you know! And it didn't help that my only source of strength besides Yvette was gone and blaming me for what happened! I couldn't sleep for seventy two hours after she died, yet you insisted on making it even more intolerable by not being there!" She stepped closer to Klinger, and Hawkeye thought she was going to hit him. "I'll tell you something Klinger. If Yvette hadn't shown up then I would have been next. But then I don't suppose you really cared, then did you? Fuck, I didn't want to be a paper-shuffler here in the first place, then when I found out you were here I almost resigned. Two weeks after I joined." She took a breath. Klinger tried to say something, but she interrupted. "You know what? Fuck you, Corporal Klinger. That's all I have to say to you. And that's from everyone you left behind." She turned and walked away.  
  
Klinger watched her go silently, then turned and walked the other way.  
  
"I would put you on report for eavesdropping, but I would have to do the same to me." A quiet voice said from behind Hawkeye, who jumped.  
  
"Father, don't do that to me!"  
  
Mulcahy had a half-smile on his face. Hawkeye recognized it as the one he wore when he was worried and unsure of what to do.  
  
"Don't worry Father. It will work out."  
  
Mulcahy sighed. "I hope so. I would hate to see either Klinger or Toni get hurt."  
  
---  
  
"Toni. Help me. I need you."  
  
The girl was looking around desperately, but she didn't see her friend anywhere.  
  
"Rebekka!" She called. "Where are you?"  
  
"Right in front of you. Why won't you help me?" The voice was growing nearer Toni realized.  
  
She squinted; it was too bright to see properly, and saw her friend drifting toward her.  
  
"Rebekka!"  
  
Toni watched, helpless, as her best friend plunged a knife into her own chest.  
  
"Why weren't you there?" Rebekka whispered as she died.  
  
Toni sat up quickly, and looked around, gathering her bearings.  
  
She tried to go back to sleep, but after an hour she knew it was impossible.  
  
Getting up and dressed silently she grabbed the long sword she'd put behind her desk and walked out into the night towards a dirty lake she'd seen briefly yesterday. There was plenty of room on the grass next to it to practice until exhaustion won and she was forced once again to sleep.  
  
---  
  
It was 0700 hours and Toni was hungry.  
  
She wasn't hungry enough, however, to go to the mess tent and risk another confrontation with Corporal Maxwell Klinger, so she sat at her desk, reading through old letters that she already had memorized. But somehow reading them from off the paper seemed to make them more real. They were all pretty much the same. Just two best friends telling each other about their lives on paper instead of out loud.  
  
A hot tear trailed silently down her cheek, followed by a second.  
  
Why? That's all I want to know. JUST WHY?! She thought angrily to whatever God was up there and happened to be listening. Yeh, just like I thought. Fuck you then. She snapped silently when no apparent answer was forthcoming.  
  
She was jarred out of her thoughts when someone knocked on her door.  
  
"Who is it?" She demanded.  
  
"It's Colonel Potter."  
  
Toni wiped her eyes, and shoved the letters back in the folder quickly. In her haste she didn't notice that one dropped to the floor. "Come in then."  
  
The door opened and he stepped inside. "I didn't see you at breakfast." He commented.  
  
"I wasn't aware I was required to attend." She replied stiffly, standing.  
  
He waved his hand at her, indicating for her to stay seated.  
  
She did so wearily. "What are you after, sir?"  
  
Potter shook his head. "I was informed of an altercation yesterday between you and Corporal Klinger. I was wondering if either of you were planning of filing a complaint."  
  
"No, sir. Whatever happened is past now. I believe we can work together efficiently. I apologize for any inconvenience it caused you."  
  
Sherman scratched his head. "That's what Klinger said to. Yet I didn't believe him any more than I think I believe you."  
  
Toni didn't reply.  
  
Potter shook his head slightly. "Alright then, Corporal." He glanced around her tent for a second, then his eyes fell on a piece of paper on the ground. "Corporal." He bent over and picked it up. He tried not to look like her was reading it as he passed it to her, but he caught a few words.  
  
.suicide. You never guessed. That's what made you the perfect frie.  
  
"Thank you, Colonel. Is that all?" Toni practically snapped, snatching the paper from his hand before he could read any more.  
  
He shook his head again. "You said you wanted to start working straight away, so I may as well have you report to Klinger now in the office."  
  
"Yes, sir." Toni replied and followed him out, locking her door quickly. 


	5. Interrogators, Letters, and Death

5th - Interrogators, Letters, and Death  
  
Toni stood stiffly in front of the filing cabinet, swiftly putting away papers.  
  
Klinger was just as quiet as she was, and the hours seemed to drag slowly.  
  
It was a while before they heard voices coming.  
  
"I think she's been working all day."  
  
"Didn't show at breakfast, either."  
  
Toni grimaced. "Is there another exit out of here?" She hissed to Klinger, who shook his head.  
  
The door opened and BJ and Hawkeye entered.  
  
"Hey Toni, lunch time."  
  
Toni clenched her teeth. "I am not hungry." She spat out. Her stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly.  
  
"Klinger, is that a chopper?" Hawkeye asked, grinning.  
  
"Come on kid." BJ said, pulling Toni's arm toward the door.  
  
In one swift move she had him on the floor with the same knife she threatened Jack with against Hunnicutt's neck. "Don't touch me again." She hissed.  
  
Hawkeye quickly, but gently pushed her off his friend. "Hey kid, quit it." He frowned. "Come on, let's get to the mess hall. I think you need a break."  
  
Toni eyed BJ suspiciously, but followed Hawkeye out, leaving behind an annoyed Klinger.  
  
Sherman walked out of his office holding a drink. "Did I miss something?"  
  
---  
  
Toni grabbed a tray and filled it with something that closely resembled food.  
  
Hawkeye led her to a table away from the door, and sat opposite her while BJ sat next to him.  
  
"What was that about?" Hawkeye asked before she'd taken her first bite.  
  
"You'd make a bad interrogator. You get straight to the point. I thought you guys always started at what the rest of us consider insignificant." Toni commented, nibbling something that she thought was leftover lasagne. Considering the hours they sometimes spent operating there was always breakfast, lunch and dinner being served. Since Toni had skipped all three she'd opted for dinner.  
  
"I'm not interrogating you." Hawkeye countered.  
  
She rolled her eyes, but since her mouth was full refrained from commenting.  
  
"Yeh, no offence, Corporal, you've made a pretty bad first impression." BJ added.  
  
"I'm not here to win over your trust or favour, Captain."  
  
"Well you should. MASH units can't operate without people working together well."  
  
"Then you'll sign my reassignment papers?" She asked mildly.  
  
"I hope you aren't looking to be reassigned already. You've only been here two days. We aren't that bad, are we?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"Look, everything's fine, Captains, there's just things about me you need to know, like you never touch, before I get too comfortable."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Toni looked at him, appalled. "Like that's any of your business."  
  
"I want to know. Has someone hurt you in the past?"  
  
Toni stood and shoved her tray to the side. "I don't believe this. All you need is a few lessons from. the right person and you will be a perfect interrogator."  
  
"Toni! Don't go. I'm sorry."  
  
She paused, mid-stride.  
  
"Please, just sit back down."  
  
She hesitated, but finally rejoined them slowly.  
  
"If there has been any problems in the past we do need to know about it. We can help you know. At 4077 we're like one big happy family."  
  
"Except for Charles and sometimes Hot Lips. But you'll get used to them." BJ interjected.  
  
Hawkeye nodded. "Except for them. But honestly Toni. We need to know about any problems in the past." He leaned in close. "And what exactly were you doing up and about at two hundred hours this morning?"  
  
"You saw me?" She blushed.  
  
"No. But you look really tired, and you just told me."  
  
Toni felt like kicking herself. "As I said, a good interrogator. I would usually never let my guard down like that." She replied tiredly.  
  
"My skills come in handy."  
  
"Look, when the time comes, I'm sure you know all about it." She said, and stood again. "If you don't mind I'd like to get some rest. As you said, I am a bit tired."  
  
Hawkeye nodded slowly. "We'll talk later."  
  
She started walking to the door, but at that moment Klinger chose to enter. Quickly she slid back into her seat. "On second thoughts I think I'll stay right where I am."  
  
Klinger looked around and saw BJ and Hawkeye. Ignoring Toni he walked over, stopping on the way to pick up his own tray.  
  
"How's things going in the office?"  
  
"Just fine. We got a call. Expecting wounded in three hours. Eat and rest while you can." Klinger replied. "Oh, most of them are the enemy, too."  
  
Toni looked like she was about to say something, then stopped.  
  
"You'll be doing the same thing as before, Corporal. That's really all we need you for, no offence." "That's fine, Captain." Toni replied quickly. "Look, I'm going back to my tent. I'll see you all later."  
  
---  
  
Hey Yvette,  
  
How's life in Toledo? It isn't too bad here. I've hardly spoken to Maxwell. I still can't believe I got sent to the same MASH he was. Of all the chances, I suppose.  
  
She pressed pause and gathered her thoughts before continuing.  
  
I still have Rebekka's sword, and am still training with it. I had another dream last night. I think it's working with Maxwell that's bringing them on. I hope I can last here until the end of the war. Last night when I woke up I couldn't get back to sleep so I went to the lake to practice the sword dances Rebekka taught me. It's not much of a lake. Just reeds and slime, really, but it's still somewhere where no one else is, so it will do.  
  
There are two Captains, Pierce and Hunnicutt. I almost killed Hunnicutt today. I'm told to call Pierce Hawkeye, and Hunnicutt BJ. I suppose there's history behind those names. I worked so had to learn how to control, and I almost lost it on BJ today. He touched me. You'd think I wouldn't mind by now, but physical contact like that makes me sick still.  
  
Do you think I'll ever get over it? I know Rebekka couldn't, but am I stronger than her? One last question before I go, do you think I should talk about it to Hawkeye or BJ? There's a Father here, Father Mulcahy, he seems nice enough, but I don't know if I'm ready to tell a virtual stranger my life's story. I better go. Hope to hear from you soon. Give my love to anyone you think I want to give it too. See you when the war's over.  
  
Toni lay on her bunk. It was hot in her tent all of a sudden. The walls felt like they were closing in. I need to get out! Her mind screamed to her, and she shoved her sword into a long bag and stumbled out toward the lake she discovered yesterday.  
  
Hawkeye saw her going, and followed her.  
  
"Are you going to follow me the whole way?" She asked without turning around.  
  
"How did you know I was here?" He asked.  
  
"Lucky guess." She replied dryly.  
  
"No, I'm serious!" He complained.  
  
She sighed and turned around to face him. "Here." She held up a mirror she had in the palm of her hand.  
  
"How come I didn't see that?" He asked, fascinated.  
  
"I've used it for years. If you had seen it I would have been very disappointed." She replied sarcastically.  
  
"Do you mind if I come with you?" He asked reasonably.  
  
"If I say no will it stop you?"  
  
He pretended to think for a moment. "Good point."  
  
She shook her head and they reached the lake in silence. She sat and began to stretch.  
  
He watched her for a few moments. "Do you do this often?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Come to a lake to do stretches."  
  
She shook her head, almost sadly. "That's not all I'm going to do, Captain."  
  
He nodded, and continued watching her.  
  
After half an hour she stood and unzipped the bag, extracting the sword carefully. She unsheathed it, and examined the blade slowly before beginning the warm up exercises Rebekka had taught her.  
  
"Where did you learn?" Hawkeye asked, breaking her concentration.  
  
She paused, and a number of replies ran through her head. "Just someone I knew once." She finally answered.  
  
He nodded again, and she continued, working her way through to the most complicated patterns.  
  
She stopped with a vicious cry that sent shivers up Hawkeye's spine.  
  
"That was amazing." He said softly.  
  
Toni didn't hear him. She sank to her knees in front of the lake and fell sideways, tears falling. "Toni!" Hawkeye ran over to her, and held her in his arms as she sobbed.  
  
Finally she seemed to realized where she was and stopped, pulling harshly out of Hawkeye's embrace.  
  
"What are you doing?" She demanded, voice wobbly, but angry.  
  
He frowned, confused. "You were crying. I was just trying to help. Please, Toni, what's wrong?"  
  
"I haven't completed that in four years." She whispered softly.  
  
"Why not?" Hawkeye asked, perplexed.  
  
Toni shook her head, as if mentally waking herself. "Never mind. I have to go. Those wounded are due any minute."  
  
As if on cue Klinger's voice came over the PA system. "All officers report to work stations. Corporal White report to the incoming helicopters. We have wounded."  
  
Toni stood, and packed the sword away quickly, and ran to the chopper bay, followed by Hawkeye.  
  
---  
  
"Alright, all walking wounded to me!" Toni called quickly. She walked over to a chopper that had just landed and opened the doors. Three medics jumped out, and she helped unload the injured. There was only about five wounded that were capable of walking over to her, and she took their names and serial numbers quickly.  
  
She organized everyone efficiently, and somehow also managed to calm several of the wounded. An hour passed quickly, and she found herself checking charts in the infirmary and talking to some of the patients.  
  
---  
  
Hawkeye found her nineteen hours later, after he'd finished surgery, asleep on a chair next to a smiling young man.  
  
"She was talking to me. I swear she calmed everyone down in here, she was talking to me and she fell asleep. I would have put in a bed, but I can't really stand up."  
  
Pierce smiled back tiredly.  
  
"She's amazing."  
  
"She's something alright." He agreed. He picked her up and placed her gently on the bed next to the young man, Edward Kale, softly.  
  
"Keep an eye on her for me?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"Of course. You surgeons do a hell of a job. Go to bed, sir. She'll be fine."  
  
Hawkeye smiled at Edward. "And I thought I was the doctor." He joked. "I'll be in tomorrow to see how you both are."  
  
He waved briefly, then exited, leaving Edward staring at the ceiling, biting his lip in pain. He'd done a good job of hiding it in front of Pierce, and now it seemed to be growing worse.  
  
He gasped for breath, but the oxygen he inhaled seemed wet. Dimly he realized what was happening. He tried to call out, but it was too late. I wonder how they missed it. He thought as he drifted slowly to oblivion.  
  
---  
  
Toni woke up to the sound of soft voices. As she felt pain in her neck she remembered falling asleep next to an interesting man called Edward Kale the night before.  
  
But as she looked up she realized that there of two people next to the bed talking softly.  
  
"How did you miss it?" She asked quietly, no blame in her voice.  
  
"He was one of the walking wounded. He came in for a broken arm. We didn't realize-" Hawkeye started.  
  
"It's our job to realize." BJ snapped.  
  
"I know that."  
  
She jumped off the bed and ran into another room.  
  
BJ and Hawkeye heard her vomit violently. They had a quick conversation with their eyes, and Hawkeye went into the wash up room after her.  
  
He didn't say anything as she rinsed her mouth out and washed her hands.  
  
"He had a family." She said suddenly, staring at the mirror, not seeing her reflection.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Two sons and a daughter."  
  
Hawkeye bit his lip.  
  
"What will his wife tell them?"  
  
"The truth, probably."  
  
She shook her head. "It shouldn't be like this."  
  
"I know, Toni, but it is."  
  
"I heard a quote once. 'An eye for an eye only makes the world blind'. Is this what they meant?"  
  
She walked out without waiting for an answer.  
  
BJ watched her go, and Hawkeye walk out of the room. "Everything okay?" He asked.  
  
Hawkeye sighed. "He had a family." Was all he said.  
  
BJ knew what he meant, and they covered Edward's face together. 


	6. Good Advice

6th - Good Advice  
  
There wasn't much said for the next two weeks. Everyone went about their duties, and no one spoke much.  
  
Toni stayed to herself, and everyone granted her the isolation.  
  
She sent and received a letter from her sister which she read quietly.  
  
Toni,  
  
I miss you so much. Teaching is fun, but it takes a lot out of you. Not as much as working in the Army, though I assume.  
  
I'm sorry about Edward, and Jack. Who knows, maybe you'll run into Quinn sometime in the future. I think that you should talk to someone you trust about what happened. That's the problem, I think. You didn't talk to anyone, not even me. The same with Rebekka. I'm not going to tell you what to do, you're old enough now to work things out on your own. All I'll do is give you advice, and I think you definitely need to get it out in the open. I know what you're thinking, how can I? and what if they tell others? But isn't it worth the risk? You have a chance to start over, make new friends.  
  
That's something you've always had trouble with, but BJ, Hawkeye and Mulcahy all seem trustworthy enough.  
  
I wish you luck in whatever you decide, and hope all else goes well with you in the future. Yvette  
  
P.S. I'm glad you've kept up the training. God knows you'll probably need it sometime in your life.  
  
Toni reread the letter and sighed.  
  
She knew Yvette had a point, and now that Hawkeye had stopped asking she had almost wanted to tell him, but unsure of how to go about it.  
  
Maybe I should just get Klinger to yell it over the PA system. She thought, lying on her bed.  
  
"Hey Toni, can I come in?" Hawkeye yelled from outside her tent.  
  
She sat up. "What are you, telepathic or something?" She demanded as the door swung open.  
  
"No, I just thought you might want some company. You've been keeping to yourself." He glanced onto her desk. "Any mail?" He asked.  
  
"Yes. A letter from my sister."  
  
"Good news?"  
  
She smiled. "Just good advice." She looked into his eyes. "How well can you keep a secret?" She asked quietly.  
  
He returned the gaze, and sat down on the bunk opposite Toni's. "Very well, why do you ask?"  
  
"Have you got time right now?" She asked him.  
  
He nodded silently.  
  
"It was four years ago. Me and a friend, Rebekka, were walking home from a party. We didn't drink, mind you, it was just bad atmosphere, and everyone else was getting high, so we left at about three am. We were about two blocks from her house, we'd agreed that I'd sleep there that night when we ran into four guys. They beat us up pretty bad, and one of them tried to raped Rebekka. Some guys I don't know helped us, and got rid of them. We have kept in contact, but anyway, about a week after that Rebekka committed suicide. There isn't much else to say, really." She looked down and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Since then I haven't been able to trust anyone, especially males. I guess joining the Army was a way for me to make a new start and find new friends. But I didn't count on Maxwell being here."  
  
"What does Klinger have to do with anything?" Hawkeye asked quietly.  
  
She looked up at him. "Rebekka was his sister."  
  
---  
  
Hawkeye didn't know what to say. Klinger had never mentioned a sister, and to the best of his knowledge he'd never even received grief counselling.  
  
"I don't know what to say." He admitted. "I'm not a counsellor."  
  
"I know. That's why I could tell you. Rebekka never told anyone except for family what had happened, she never spoke to a counsellor. I thought I was over the whole ordeal, but working here with Maxwell has brought back the memories." She wiped her eyes again, and Hawkeye passed her a handkerchief.  
  
"Thanks." She whispered. "It was her sword. She gave me one for me fifteenth birthday, and taught me how to use it. No one else in her family knew how to use a sword, and she willed it to me before she died. I left my one back in Toledo. Where I'm from." She bit her lip, but was unable to control the flood of tears that overwhelmed her. "That's I bought those knives, so if I'm ever in that position I won't be taken advantage of like Rebekka was. Ever since then my one fear in life was being raped. Death doesn't scare me anymore."  
  
Hawkeye didn't reply, but came over and hugged her. "I'll never let anything happen to you." He whispered, and she fell asleep crying in his arms.  
  
---  
  
"Toni!"  
  
She was standing in a long corridor with hundreds of doors on either side. "Rebekka?" She called, moving faster down the corridor, searching for her friend.  
  
A door opened, and Rebekka came out, holding her sword. "You let me down." She whispered. Tears streamed down Toni's face. "I didn't mean it. You didn't tell anyone. What was I supposed to do?"  
  
"You lets us all down." Rebekka raised the sword, and thrust it straight into Toni's heart.  
  
All Toni could do was watch as the life poured out of her body.  
  
Suddenly she seemed to be floating in empty space, her body turned into energy, and she was forced to watch as she dissipated and the energy that was her life disappeared.  
  
Gasping she sat up in her bed, shivering in a cold sweat.  
  
"Shit." She hissed, standing shakily.  
  
"Bad dream?" A voice asked.  
  
She spun around to see a dark shape sitting on the other bed, watching her.  
  
She had a knife in each hand before she recognised the voice. "Pierce?" She demanded. "What are you doing in here?"  
  
He chuckled quietly. "Making sure you sleep alright."  
  
"Believe me, I'll sleep much better knowing there are no males in my tent." She said, pulling on a black dressing gown quickly.  
  
"I wanted to make sure for myself." He countered, staying on the bed. "Where are you going?" He asked.  
  
"Somewhere I can get privacy. Since I can't get that in my own tent do you know anywhere else I can find some?"  
  
"Not when I'm around."  
  
Toni rolled her eyes. "Makes sense. If you're around nothing's private."  
  
"What happened?" He asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What happened in the dream?"  
  
She sat back down on her still-warm bed. "Honestly, none of your business. And that little bedtime story I told you? If anyone else hears about it I will kill you."  
  
Judging from the glint in her eye that Hawkeye could see despite the darkness he didn't doubt her for a moment.  
  
"So what happens now?" He asked her.  
  
"How about you leave?"  
  
He shook his head. "Not an option."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'm your doctor. There's something wrong with you. Until you're cured I do not leave."  
  
"There is nothing wrong with me!" She protested.  
  
Hawkeye sighed. "If I believed you I'd leave." He informed her.  
  
She sat against the wall and pulled her knees to her chest.  
  
"Look, do you want to talk to Sid?"  
  
"Who's he?" Toni asked suspiciously.  
  
Hawkeye paused. "A psychiatrist."  
  
Toni frowned. "Do you really think that's necessary?" She asked softly.  
  
"Even if it's just to talk about your dreams, I think maybe you should. You're obviously loosing sleep over them."  
  
"I'll think about it." She promised.  
  
Hawkeye smiled. "That's all I want to hear. You may as well go back to sleep."  
  
"Not while you're watching me I won't."  
  
He laughed. "What if I turn around until you start snoring?" "I do not snore!"  
  
"You do."  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too."  
  
They both stared at each other, then burst out laughing.  
  
Hawkeye pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket. "Here, I brought these because I knew once you were awake you'd refuse to go back to sleep."  
  
"I'm not in the mood for poker. How about memory?" Toni suggested.  
  
Her door opened, and a gust of cold air came into the tent. "Can I play too?" BJ asked, with Potter right behind him.  
  
Toni laughed again, shaking her head. If every night was like this she just might enjoy the rest of her time at 4077.  
  
Klinger sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What is that noise?" He muttered to himself, getting up. He stepped outside and followed the sounds to Corporal White's tent.  
  
Should I go in or not? He wondered. Finally he knocked on the door.  
  
"Come on in!" She called over the others.  
  
He opened the door and walked in.  
  
Everyone stopped talking suddenly, and all eyes were on him and Toni. "Can I play?" He asked finally.  
  
---  
  
She nodded slowly.  
  
"Of course you can, Klinger. Pull up a chair." BJ replied cheerfully.  
  
Hawkeye watched Toni out of the corner of his eye. The noise level soon went back to normal, and he moved to sit next to her. "You okay?" He asked quietly.  
  
"Yes, I just didn't expect-"  
  
"What is going on in here?" A voice demanded from the door.  
  
Hawkeye smiled. "Ah, Charles. You decided to join us. And you brought us a nurse, too, how nice of you." He turned to Margaret. "How are you Major Houlihan?"  
  
"You men should be asleep!" She retorted.  
  
"Am I invisible?" Toni asked Hawkeye loudly. "I could have sworn you just called me male. I'll pretend you didn't, as soon as you either join the fun or leave in silence, Majors."  
  
Houlihan looked at her haughtily, the turned and stalked out, followed by Charles.  
  
"That wasn't very nice." Hawkeye said, twinkle in his eyes.  
  
Toni shrugged. "I know." She laid down the cards. "Who's playing this one?"  
  
Everyone; BJ, Hawkeye, Potter, Klinger and Pierce all joined in.  
  
Soon everyone was laughing, and for the first time in her life Toni felt like she fit in. 


	7. In the Hands of the Enemy

7th - In the Hands of the Enemy  
  
"Incoming wounded! All personnel report to your stations!" Klinger called over the PA system, waking Toni up from a fitful sleep she'd managed after the impromptu card games.  
  
"Time for work, girl. This is what they pay you for." Hawkeye said from his watchful position on the other bed.  
  
Once again Toni jumped. "Will you stop doing that? I'll sleep fine on my own."  
  
"Whatever you say, Tonse."  
  
She turned to face him. "What did you say?" She asked, voice cold.  
  
"Tonse. Is that a problem?"  
  
"Rebekka used to call me that." She paused and looked at him thoughtfully. "You can call me that."  
  
Hawkeye smiled and stood. "I have to go. You get dressed and head down to the chopper landing bay."  
  
"Yessir." She replied, returning the smile.  
  
---  
  
"Ah, this is the real reason we're sent here."  
  
Toni watched, amused. "Why, so you can get drunk?"  
  
"So they. so they can. well it's so they'll do something." Hawkeye finished.  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
"It's true." BJ came to his friend's defence.  
  
Toni tried not to laugh out loud, but failed. "You guys are funny when you're pissed."  
  
"Are you implying that we're not normally funny?"  
  
"Yes, she is. Will you two clowns at least go to the Officer's Club to get intoxicated?" Charles said the word intoxicated as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth.  
  
"Oh, leave them alone. They're allowed to let loose every now and then." Toni answered for the two men.  
  
"What are you doing here anyway, Corporal?" Charles asked.  
  
"I was sent here by the Army. Personally I don't see why-"  
  
"That's not what I meant! What are you doing in this tent right now? Don't you have more important things to do?" He asked.  
  
Toni pretended to think. "No."  
  
"We are under attack! Repeat, we are under attack! All personnel to defence stations!" Klinger's frightened voice came over the PA.  
  
Toni and Charles exchanged a look. "Where do I go?" Toni asked, standing to help Hawkeye and BJ.  
  
"You'll go to Klinger in the office." He replied. "I'll get these two safe, don't worry."  
  
Toni glanced at the inebriated men. "Thanks, Charles. I won't forget this."  
  
"We will though." Hawkeye said.  
  
"Literally." Added BJ.  
  
Ton made a break for the office when there was a slight cease in gunfire.  
  
She slammed the door behind her before looking around, and as she turned she was grabbed from behind.  
  
Oh no. Not again!  
  
"We have to go!" One of the men behind her snapped in Korean.  
  
The one that held her tightened his grip as she struggled. "We'll take her with us. We might need her later. If not we can have some fun at any rate." The other replied.  
  
Toni pulled free from his grasp and tried to take his rifle. He swung it up and it hit her on the back of her head.  
  
She was vaguely aware of being carried away before the darkness once again overcame her.  
  
---  
  
"Klinger, where's Toni? Klinger?"  
  
Klinger looked up at Hawkeye, scared. "I don't know, sir." He replied, worried in spite of himself.  
  
"Shit." He almost ran to the PA microphone. "All personnel this is Captain Pierce. Corporal Toni White is missing, I repeat, she's missing. If anyone knows where she is get your ass down here now." He cut the power off and went to BJ.  
  
"Where could she be?"  
  
BJ looked troubled. "You don't think they would have taken her, do you?"  
  
Charles burst into the office.  
  
"Do you know where she is?" Hawkeye demanded.  
  
"No, all I know is that I told her to report here with Klinger. We have him, don't we?"  
  
"I'm right here, sir." Klinger said quietly from behind Charles.  
  
"Well then surely you can tell us what happened."  
  
Klinger looked down. "As soon as they came I put the announcement over the PA, then went into Potter's office. About two minutes after five men burst into here. Since Toni was told to report here, I assume they met up."  
  
"This is all my fault." Charles fumed.  
  
"Hey, we weren't drunk when they came she probably would have stayed with us. Speaking of which, must you all yell so loudly?"  
  
Winchester rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well what are we going to do about it then?" BJ asked. "We can't just leave her wherever they've taken her."  
  
Margaret ran into the room. "They took White!" She said quickly. "I saw them before they left."  
  
"Where to?" Hawkeye demanded, grabbing her shoulders.  
  
"They didn't say. They took her in the jeep they stole. What are we going to do about it?"  
  
"We're following them."  
  
The six of them looked at each other.  
  
"Let's do this." Hawkeye said.  
  
---  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
Toni stayed silent, defiantly glaring at him. They were still on the jeep they'd stolen, and her hands were tied behind her back. Consequently every time the jeep went over a pothole she hit her head on the roof.  
  
He raised his hand and slapped her. She spat out some blood onto the floor, feeling more of the warm liquid trickle from her mouth.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
No harm, I suppose. We're supposed to allowed to say name rank and serial number. "Toni White." She whispered, looking down.  
  
He smiled. "Well, Toni. You seem to be in a bit of trouble."  
  
"Who taught you English?" She asked him, looking straight into his eyes.  
  
He hit her again, harder, and she bit back a cry. "Rule one; we ask the questions here."  
  
"Can you write them all down for me? I might forget one." She replied.  
  
He smiled. "Don't worry. You won't." He turned to the driver. "How much longer?" He demanded in Korean.  
  
"Half an hour." He replied without taking his eyes off the road. "What are we keeping her for?" He asked, jerking his head to Toni.  
  
"Hostage. Failing that, fun. We haven't have one of them in a while. Not a female, anyway."  
  
Toni spat at him in disgust.  
  
He wiped his uniform carefully with a handkerchief. He looked at her for a long moment. "I think I'll enjoy you." He said decisively.  
  
Toni refrained from shivering. Oh Yvette, I wish you were here!  
  
---  
  
"Why are you doing this? What the fuck did I ever do to you?" Toni demanded, pulling against the restraints that held her against the wall.  
  
"You are American, right? At least you fight in their Army. That's what you did to me."  
  
"All I am is a paper shuffler. It's not like I know any important secrets that the Army is hiding."  
  
"Oh I know. I'm just bored, that's all."  
  
"Ah, now it makes sense." She spat, keeping her head down. She'd already learnt rule two; never look them in the eye.  
  
"You know, I like you." He commented, watching her thrash uselessly against the wall.  
  
"Yeh, I like you too. Now will you let me go already?"  
  
"No." He stepped toward her, and instinctively she tried to draw away from him, and she felt her insides clench and turn to ice.  
  
"Tell me, what hand to you use to write with, Toni?" He asked.  
  
"Like I'd tell you." She spat.  
  
"You will tell me. You know why? Because if you don't, you will find it very, very hard to use either of them."  
  
She shivered, but looked him in the eye, just to spite him. When he raised his hand she spat on his uniform.  
  
---  
  
"How do you plan on finding her? Even if we knew where she was if would be impossible to save her."  
  
"You know Sherman, when you say impossible like that it makes me desperate to prove you wrong." Hawkeye commented. "Look, I made a promise to the kid, and I intend on keeping it."  
  
"Which was.?" BJ asked, interested.  
  
"Private, unfortunately."  
  
Trapped tilted his head. "Figures. Sherman, we're going, with or without you permission and support."  
  
"I know. Which means that I'll be going with you."  
  
"No. We still have five wounded. You'll have to stay with the nurses and help them. We need two jeeps and supplies." BJ said.  
  
Sherman opened his mouth to protest, then sighed. "I assume you've thought of everything?"  
  
"Of course. And with your blessing we'll take out leave." Hawkeye replied.  
  
"Everyone out. I want to talk to Hawk from a moment. And stay away from the door."  
  
There was a chorus of 'yes sir's, and they left.  
  
He waited for the doors to close, then turned to Hawkeye.  
  
"You know what you're doing?" He asked abruptly.  
  
"Yes, sir." He replied, serious for once.  
  
Sherman looked him in the eye. "You've grown up a lot here, Hawk. I trust you to make the right decisions over there. You said you made Toni a promise? I don't expect you to tell me, or anyone else, what it is. What I expect, and know will happen, is that you fulfil that promise. But Hawk. Don't die for it."  
  
Hawkeye bit his lip. "Sir, if I don't fulfil it, I won't be able to live."  
  
Potter extended his hand, and Hawkeye took it. "Just do the right thing."  
  
Hawkeye turned to go.  
  
"And Hawk?"  
  
He turned again.  
  
"Bring her back safely. That's an order."  
  
"One I actually intend to carry out, sir. I'll see you soon."  
  
They saluted each other.  
  
The team of six left four minutes later, and Sherman poured himself a drink.  
  
---  
  
"Don't. you guys. ever. get sick. of this?"  
  
"Never."  
  
Toni gasped as the soldier's foot connected with her lower abdomen again.  
  
She curled into a ball around the newest injury and fought tears. That just makes you seem weaker to them! She yelled at herself as a tear slipped.  
  
"Stand up."  
  
Toni pulled herself to her knees, but that was as far as she got. "I can't." She whispered.  
  
He kicked her again. "You will."  
  
She tried again, using the wall behind her for support, and got shakily to her feet.  
  
He grabbed her arm. "I'm so sick of this war." He whispered in her ear. "So sick of it I can hardly see straight." He twisted her arm, and she let out a shriek of agony. She felt the pressure build and looked into his eyes.  
  
"So sick of it I'll use any form of enjoyment to make it more enduring."  
  
The bone snapped and she screamed.  
  
He dropped her to the floor and stalked out with a slight chuckle.  
  
She lay on the floor holding her arm, sobbing silently to herself.  
  
---  
  
"It can't be too far from here."  
  
Klinger pointed ahead. "There!" He whispered.  
  
"Got it." BJ manoeuvred the jeep and they parked quietly.  
  
Hawkeye passed a small bag to everyone, then a rifle.  
  
They armed themselves, strapping the bags and tightening them quickly.  
  
"We need to be in and out. According to the layout map Hawkeye 'acquired', Toni will be held here." He pointed to a building on the map that was separate from the main building.  
  
"Why there?" Charles asked Hawkeye.  
  
"The person that gave me the map said that they couldn't sleep with all the noise that came from the prisoner's rooms."  
  
Margaret shivered.  
  
A scream pierced the semidarkness.  
  
"That's her!" BJ snarled.  
  
"Let's go." Hawkeye started running to the building, followed by the other five. 


	8. Writing Home

8th - Writing Home  
  
The Korean man, Toni was yet to learn his name, pulled her broken arm, waking her from a disturbed sleep.  
  
She screamed.  
  
"Be silent!" He snapped.  
  
She whimpered, and he pulled a knife from his pocket. "Recognize this?" He asked, malice dripping from his words.  
  
"It's. it's mine." She replied, teeth chattering.  
  
He flicked the blade out. "Yes, it is. Or was at any rate." He stepped closer to her, and drew a thin line across her face. She pulled away, but he just pressed harder.  
  
He examined the blood on the blade, wiping it off carefully. "I like things clean." He told her. Then he took her jacket off, and ripped off her sleeve.  
  
She jerked away from him. "Leave me the hell alone!" She yelled.  
  
He hit her, and she almost blacked out. He pressed the blade onto her arm, and watched as a trickle of blood came out. He dragged the blade down, and she moaned.  
  
Suddenly the door burst open, and the man was lying over her, his back covered with blood.  
  
Toni heard someone call her name, but it was lost in darkness.  
  
---  
  
"She's coming to."  
  
"Toni. Toni! Squeeze my hands." There was a pause.  
  
She opened her eyes gingerly and bit her lip.  
  
"Keep them closed if you want."  
  
Toni nodded, and lowered her eyelids. "What happened?"  
  
"We came to rescue you."  
  
"Who's 'we'?" She asked quietly.  
  
Hawkeye smiled. "BJ, Klinger, Charles, Margaret and myself."  
  
"Charles and Margaret?"  
  
"I know. Miracles will never cease."  
  
Toni nodded again. "Tell me about it."  
  
"You go to sleep, kiddo. We will talk more later."  
  
Toni nodded for a third time, and he stood. "I'm sorry I let you down." He said softly when he thought she was asleep.  
  
"You didn't let anyone down." She replied faintly before finally sleeping.  
  
He looked at her and shook his head before walking out quietly.  
  
---  
  
As soon as he got to the Swamp he was met by a chorus of "how is she?".  
  
He grinned. "She's doing great."  
  
There were cheers, and the small crowd eventually broke up, leaving BJ, Charles and Hawkeye alone in their tent.  
  
"All's well that ends well?" BJ said, though it was more like a question.  
  
Hawkeye lifted a glass. "To the future."  
  
"I'll drink to that."  
  
Charles looked at them both, then got himself a glass. "Fools need company."  
  
They clinked glasses, and tipped their drinks.  
  
"Charles, I must admit, you surprised me back there."  
  
"When?"  
  
Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "When you got her knife."  
  
"Oh, that. Well, I heard it meant a lot to her. I wasn't about to leave it there."  
  
"Well, we appreciate it, and I'm sure she will too. Thank you for that. Can I ask one other thing?"  
  
"Of course. I don't guarantee an honest response however."  
  
"Of course not. Why did you come with us? You know it wasn't your fault."  
  
"I know." He looked into the bottom of his glass.  
  
"You won't find the answer there. God knows Hawkeye and I have looked." Hawkeye commented.  
  
"I guess it's knowing that if the roles were reversed she would have come for me without hesitating."  
  
Hawk nodded.  
  
"To friendship. And maybe even eventual trust."  
  
They clinked glasses and swallowed again.  
  
---  
  
"Hawkeye." BJ called as he saw his friend leaving their tent.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked immediately.  
  
BJ looked grim. "Toni's missing again."  
  
"What? How could she have left the infirmary?" Hawkeye demanded.  
  
"I don't know. But I'm not telling anyone else, so try to keep a lid on it. Charles already knows, though. He as the one that first realized."  
  
"Is he looking for her now?"  
  
"Yes. He hasn't had any luck though."  
  
Hawkeye frowned. "I think I know where I can find her." He ran out towards her lake.  
  
"Where?" BJ called after him.  
  
"Don't worry. I think you can call off the search."  
  
---  
  
He walked slowly towards the human form that sat in front of the lake.  
  
"I'm sorry I left, but I needed some space." She said as he sat next to her silently.  
  
"That's okay." He replied.  
  
"Do you get attacks like that often?" She asked, her eyes on the ground.  
  
Hawkeye frowned. "No. We got word the day before it happened that the Koreans were on the move, but we didn't want anyone to panic, beside, we thought we still had a week before they were going to come."  
  
Toni thought about his answer. "I suppose Charles is going sick about where I am." She commented.  
  
Hawkeye nodded, smiling. "Of course."  
  
"Then I suppose you want me to go back with you."  
  
He cocked his head. "That would be nice, I think."  
  
Toni sighed and stood, keeping her head down. She offered a hand to the still-seated Hawkeye.  
  
"You can stay a while longer, if you want." He offered.  
  
She smiled slightly. "Thanks."  
  
"If you don't mind my company, of course." He added as she rejoined him.  
  
"I would never mind your company, Hawkeye." She replied.  
  
"I don't suppose you thought more about Sid?"  
  
Toni smiled tightly. "Actually I did."  
  
"Well unfortunately, even if you decided not to you will probably have to see him anyway."  
  
Her head jerked up. "Why?" She asked hotly.  
  
"Because you were just taken prisoner and tortured." He replied evenly.  
  
She looked at the ground again.  
  
"Why do you do that?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Stare at the ground. When we met you had no trouble looking at me."  
  
"Rule number two." She whispered. She hadn't realized it had made such a big impact. Maybe she really did need to talk to Sid.  
  
"What?" Hawkeye asked, puzzled.  
  
"The nice man gave me a set of rules to follow. Rule number two was never look them in the eye."  
  
He gingerly put an arm around her, and with his other hand tilted her head up. "We you can forget them, here you can do whatever you want. Within reason." He added quickly, smiling.  
  
Toni nodded, though she doubted she'd ever for get them.  
  
---  
  
"Why did you come for me?"  
  
Hawkeye looked up from his charts. "We care about you, Toni."  
  
"Why?"  
  
He smiled and walked over to her bed, pulling a chair behind him. "Well, the harsh answer is that we have to care about everyone here, since we're doctors. But the truth is that you mean a lot to everyone here, even Charles and Margaret, and that's saying something. You've made an impression here, Toni. And like it or not, you're staying."  
  
Toni closed her eyes for a moment. "Who operated on me?" She asked quietly.  
  
"I did. Margaret helped me. I thought you'd rather that than anyone else. I hope you don't mind."  
  
"No, that's fine. I. I trust you, Hawk." She looked at him. "Can you do me a favour?"  
  
He nodded. "Of course."  
  
"My sister, Yvette, we're very close. She'll want to know what happened. Can you write to her? I don't think I'll be in any condition to write for a while. I usually write every week. If I don't she'll get worried."  
  
"Sure. Do you want me to do it now?"  
  
"Are you busy?"  
  
He grinned. "For you? Never. Just let me go get some paper." He stood, and she smiled slightly.  
  
Hawkeye returned quickly. "Here you are."  
  
"Thanks. Alright, here goes.  
  
Yvette.  
  
I'm in the surgical unit right now, and the man I told you about, Hawkeye, is writing this for me. To make it short, I was captured by the enemy and now can't write my own letters. I'll leave it to Hawkeye to add a bit of his own to the end, he can give you the details. How goes teaching? I'm sure you're busy, and you're right, working here is hard. But having great friends helps a lot. Just don't let those little terrors get you down. I haven't seen Quinn again, I'm not sure if that's good or bad though. I think he felt guilty about Jack's death, and that's kind of understandable. Not that I blame him. I probably would have done the same thing in his position. I better go now, and give Hawkeye's hand a rest, he's trying to give me a dirty look but can't pull it off because I'm laughing." Toni started laughing. "I can't believe you wrote that!"  
  
"You told me to." He said, grinning.  
  
"I suppose. Anyway, that's all. I would like you to send her a little note, or letter if you want and explain things for me. I just can't say it out loud."  
  
"That's fine. I'll do it now, if you want."  
  
"Sure, thanks. And I'll read it before you send it." She poked her tongue out at him.  
  
Dear Yvette,  
  
I hope I spelt your name right.  
  
I am the apparently famous Hawkeye, A.K.A Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce. To fill you in on what happened, Toni was captured and tortured by the enemy yesterday. We have since brought her back to our 'civilization' and she's begun rehabilitation therapy. While she was captured the enemy used physical torture, purely for their entertainment. I am pleased to say that she is making a complete recovery, as well as making rude gestures at me right now. Also, so will be receiving counselling, so she will be fine. Anyway, I better stop before I get into your bad books, unless of course I'm there already due to things Toni may have told you about. Keep smiling,  
  
. Hawkeye Pierce .  
  
"Geez, do you have to sign that so big?" Toni asked after she'd read the letter.  
  
"Yep. Bad habit, I'll admit, but a habit none the less. I don't believe in breaking habits. Does it meet to your approval?" He asked, half sarcastically.  
  
"Of course. 'Keep smiling'?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"That's how I usually finish letters to people I don't know very well."  
  
"I see." Toni replied sceptically. She lifted her arm, and tried to stretch her fingers, but grimaced when she couldn't straighten them.  
  
"You're doing good. Don't try to overdo things." Hawkeye said gently.  
  
She blinked. "I know. It's just that-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"How can I shuffle paper with broken fingers?" She asked.  
  
Hawkeye smiled. "Don't you worry about that. You stay in here until I say. And don't try to escape again."  
  
She smiled at him as he stood to leave. "I'll go give these to Klinger now."  
  
"Thanks, Hawk."  
  
He stepped towards the door. "And Tonse, if you ever need to talk, or anything else. And if you need to." he hesitated. "Express your emotions, just call me, okay? No matter what time."  
  
"Thank you, Hawk. That means a lot to me." She watched him leave, thinking. 


	9. Enter Sidney Freedman

9th - Enter; Sidney Freedman  
  
"So close, no matter how far couldn't be much more from the heart forever trust in who we are and nothing else matters never opened myself this way life is our we live it our way all these words I don't just say and nothing else matters trust I seek and I find in you everyday full of something new open mind for a different view and nothing else matters never cared for what they do never cared for what they know but I know so close, no matter how far couldn't be much more from the heart forever trust in who we are and nothing else matters never cared for what they do never cared for what they know but I know never opened myself this way life is our we live it our way all these words I don't just say and nothing else matters trust I seek and I find in you everyday full of something new open mind for a different view and nothing else matters never cared for what they say never cared for games they play never cared for what they do never cared for what they know but I know, yeah so close, no matter how far couldn't be much more from the heart forever trust in who we are no, nothing else matters."  
  
Hawkeye sat at his desk, silently listening to Toni's soft voice. Her singing was making it difficult for him to concentrate, but he appreciated the distraction.  
  
It had turned out that the attack was a failed rescue attempt on one of the Korean men that Hawkeye had been working on. The man had died despite Hawkeye and Margaret's best efforts two days before the attack.  
  
It was so worthless. He thought, rubbing his eyes tiredly.  
  
"Hawk?" A voice called.  
  
He turned, then smiled. "Sidney. How have you been?" He asked.  
  
"Oh, fine. I heard I was of need here." He commented.  
  
"That's right, Sid, meet Toni White." Hawkeye indicated to the quiet, observing form of Toni, who was sitting up.  
  
"Hello there." Sid said, sticking out his right hand.  
  
She smiled slightly. "That probably isn't the best idea right now, sir." She commented.  
  
He looked down at her bandage-covered hand and returned the smile. "No, I suppose not."  
  
"I'll leave you two to it." Hawkeye said, and turned to go.  
  
"Hawkeye, wait-" Toni started, then when he turned to her she blushed. "Never mind."  
  
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked her.  
  
She nodded.  
  
Hawk glanced around the room. Most of the patients were awake and staring at the ceiling. "Do you want to go to your lake to talk?"  
  
She nodded again.  
  
Hawkeye helped her carefully, and it was all she could do not to stiffen at his touch. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he led her out.  
  
"That's alright." She replied, smiling slightly. "I suppose I'll have to get used to it eventually."  
  
A slightly confused Sid followed as the walked slowly to Toni's lake.  
  
---  
  
Yvette sat at her desk, shocked. She held the letter in front of her, staring at the words as if she couldn't read.  
  
While she was captured the enemy used physical torture, purely for their entertainment.  
  
What kind of sick bastards would-  
  
"Yvette?" A voice said from behind her.  
  
Simon Fischer put a calming hand on her shoulder as she spun around quickly.  
  
"Hey, what's wrong Yvette?" He asked, worried.  
  
Her normally beautiful face was twisted with worry for her younger sister. "T-Toni." She whispered, stuttering for the first time in fifteen years.  
  
Simon frowned, not sure of what she meant.  
  
Blindly she shoved the letter Hawkeye had sent at her co-worker.  
  
He skimmed it quickly, his own worry rising. "Hey, Yvette," he said as he finished it. "Tell you what. You're having the rest of the day off, I'll cover your classes and make sure they're arranged."  
  
She shook her head. "I can't." She took a deep breath, composing herself. "I have to work today. Keep my mind off it." She held his eyes with her own. "Please."  
  
"Well, okay. But you have to talk about it, okay? Promise me."  
  
Yvette hesitated. Neither her nor Toni liked discussing their feelings with others.  
  
"Promise." Simon prodded.  
  
She gave up. He was like a dog with a bone about anything her was passionate about, and he'd made his desire for her clear. He'd even gone as far as asking her year twelve's questions about what kind of chocolate and perfume she liked. She'd often arrive at her desk to find gifts waiting for her from him.  
  
"Okay, I will." She accepted.  
  
"What classes have you got?" He asked.  
  
She blinked, then looked at her timetable. "Um. today's year twelve day. After recess I have my literature double, then just an English single period five."  
  
"Good. They shouldn't be too bad."  
  
She smiled weakly at him. "I'll be fine." She promised softly.  
  
"That's what I like to hear. I'll wait for you for period six then. I am assuming your Lit class will run overtime again." He jokingly teased.  
  
Yvette's Lit classes were well known for being exceptionally good.  
  
"It's not my fault my year twelve's have mistaken me for a good teacher." She replied, smile creeping up.  
  
"You are a good teacher, Yvette. It's not that many teachers that call their class 'theirs' and gets away with it. Speaking of your class." He pointed to the staffroom door, where one of her kids was waiting.  
  
Quickly she wiped her eyes and waved him in. "What can I do for you Steve?" She asked, neatly folding the letter.  
  
---  
  
"I, trapped in this world, lonely and fading, heartbroken, waiting, for you to come. We are stuck-"  
  
"Well here I am!"  
  
Toni stopped singing and smiled. "So glad you came, too." She retorted quickly. "So when am I out?"  
  
"Don't let her go!" One of the other patients called out.  
  
Others agreed.  
  
"I see you've made some friends here, Tonse."  
  
"Yeh, that girl's a lifesaver." The same man said, grinning.  
  
Hawkeye smiled. "Well, let me check out your hand, and we'll see, okay?"  
  
Toni nodded.  
  
He took her wrist and extended her fingers, watching her face.  
  
Toni knew that he'd be watching her, so she kept her face neutral.  
  
"How does that feel?" He asked.  
  
"Fine." She replied, trying to sound light.  
  
Hawkeye smiled slightly. "Didn't someone tell you? No lying through your teeth!" He pushed her fingers a little more, and her face tightened.  
  
"Okay, next hand."  
  
She held it up obediently.  
  
He did the same thing to that hand, though from her point of view it didn't hurt as much.  
  
"That's good." Hawkeye said encouragingly. "Now do it yourself."  
  
"What?!" Toni demanded.  
  
"I want you to extend your fingers without my help." He explained gently.  
  
Toni gritted her teeth and concentrated. Her fingers moved slightly, then a little more. Sweat formed a small line on her forehead, and she leaned back in her bed. "That's as far as I can go." She admitted.  
  
Hawkeye sighed. "I'm sorry, Toni. You'll have to stay a while longer."  
  
She nodded, looking down.  
  
"I'm sorry." He repeated.  
  
"I know. I just want everything to go back to normal."  
  
He touched her knee. "Don't worry, it will."  
  
Klinger's voice come over the camp's PA. "Attention all personnel! Incoming wounded!"  
  
Hawkeye jumped up and left the infirmary, and as soon as Toni was sure he was gone she sat up.  
  
"Toni-" One of the patients said warningly.  
  
"I'll only be a minute. I need to help when I can."  
  
He nodded, though unconvinced.  
  
She smiled and stood. For a moment the room spun, but she forced away the vertigo.  
  
She walked out as fast as she could.  
  
"Toni. Be careful." One of the wounded soldiers said as she left.  
  
---  
  
Hawkeye looked up and saw Toni jogging across to the chopper. "Toni!" He yelled over the noise. "What are you doing up?"  
  
She smiled guiltily. "I couldn't just lie there while you guys were doing all the work. I feel fine."  
  
He looked at her suspiciously.  
  
"Hawkeye!" Someone yelled.  
  
He glared at Toni. "Stay out of trouble. We'll talk later."  
  
Toni nodded quickly, and went to help organized the wounded.  
  
One of the walking wounded wandered off a few meters and sat down on the grass, favouring his right leg carefully.  
  
As Toni worked she kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't wonder off further before she could talk to him.  
  
Two hours later she emerged from the operating theatre exhausted after assisting the surgeons, and reassuring the wounded.  
  
Walking to her tent, already half asleep, she spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking around she saw the man she meant to talk with earlier still sitting on the grass, staring at the stars that were beginning to come out.  
  
"Soldier." Toni said as she approached him. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Looking at the stars. Aren't they beautiful? They remind me of someone I met once."  
  
Toni walked around him so he was facing her. "Quinn!" She cried out.  
  
He smiled. "That's me." He replied.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She demanded, unsure of whether she should be happy he was here, or angry for him leaving her before.  
  
"I was assigned here." He replied.  
  
Toni frowned. "You were limping before."  
  
"No I wasn't." He denied.  
  
"Quinn." She warned.  
  
"I'm fine, honest."  
  
She frowned again. "I thought you were going to 4080!" She said.  
  
Quinn grinned. "Uh, due to my. uh. how did they say? Due to my 'recognition, or lack thereof, of authority, and respect, or lack thereof, of fellow officers'. In other words I was a tad bit insubordinate, and got into a fight. Or two. Or three." He trailed off, smiling slightly.  
  
"Then why did you get sent here?" Toni asked, curious.  
  
"Apparently 4077 has the reputation of being more. lenient."  
  
Toni sniffed. "You've got that right." She agreed. 


	10. Insanity is Just a State of Mind'

10 - "Insanity is Just a State of Mind" (quick note, Hawkeye said that during the series)  
  
I'm fine. I don't need Sid. I don't need Mulcahy. I just need to work. And the Army needs me. How they can keep their best surgeon in this shit-hole in the middle of a war is beyond me. There's nothing wrong with me. Though of course Sid doesn't believe me. And having Potter sending me here in the first place doesn't help. I thought we were friends. But when I pointed that out he assured me that it was in my own interest, and if he didn't send me here he wouldn't be acting like a friend. What would he know? He's never had to spend time in here. Not even one night, though I'm told I'll be here longer than that. The bus. The bus. NO! Sid keeps asking about the bus. Nothing happened. Or did it? He seems to think that I need to remember. But NOTHING happened. I would know if something did happen. Wouldn't I? Yes, I would, definitely. It's not me with the problem it's Sid. I'm fine. What could be wrong with me? I'm a great surgeon, okay, maybe I haven't had the best life, but it's been better than some of the kids I've patched up. LET ME OUT! But he won't. I know it's hopeless. I should just get up and walk out. But no, Sid won't let me. I keep telling me I'm fine but he doesn't even laugh at my jokes. He never even changed his expression. I told him he should, that's why no one likes him. But he's got more friends in this dump than I do. Nothing happened on the bus, just get over it, Sid you. I don't know, maybe I really have cracked it. He just sits there, staring at me, it's crazy - either that, or I am. Though that's why I'm here, isn't it? I'm crazy, insane, off my rocker, I've lost it. But I don't believe that. There are people here that need help, even I can see that. But I'm not one of them! I made one little mistake - so what? It doesn't matter. The bus, the bus.NO! Don't even think about it. I'm not chicken. NO! Not that either! Do I ask for it? Everything I say gives SID an opening to me.even when we're playing cards the questions won't stop. The only time I'm free of him is when I'm asleep. maybe that's what I need. to sleep forever. it wouldn't be that hard. no, I can't do that. NO, I'M NOT CHICKEN! NO! Not that word again. Maybe it would be better if I did die. it would end Sid's problems, and mine. I wouldn't have to remember anything anymore - NO, I can't do that. the bus, the bus, NO! Stop thinking about that, dammit! Or you will go crazy! That's what he really wants. reason to keep me here. but maybe not. maybe he really wants to help. I DON'T NEED SID'S HELP! Shit he's still staring at me. what should I say? I make another joke, he still doesn't laugh. I stare out the window of my prison. I can almost hear his thoughts. I joke again - his face stays the same, he doesn't move from the opposite bed. his eyes stay locked on mine. DOESN'T HE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?! I turn and sit opposite him. Then I hear myself talking.  
  
"Right, the bus." 


	11. Visiting

11 - Visiting  
  
Hawkeye's gone. He's left me. He promised! Toni thought, furiously going through her attack patterns with her sword. Goddamn the man! She knew it wasn't his fault, and that she should visit him, but couldn't bring herself to do it.  
  
She felt slightly sorry for Sid, Hawk was a great guy, but when he was stubborn, he was stubborn.  
  
She thought back to the conversation they'd had at the lake with Sid.  
  
"Toni, look at me." Sid ordered quietly.  
  
She looked up hesitantly.  
  
"Why won't you look at me?" He asked when her eyes flicked back to the ground.  
  
Hawkeye watched her face, but he didn't say anything.  
  
"Rule number Two." She whispered.  
  
"What was Number One?" He asked her.  
  
"They-" She coughed. "They ask the questions." She replied softly. "THEY DIDN'T THOUGH! All they asked was my name. nothing else." She stopped. "Nothing else matters." She whispered to herself.  
  
"Toni, what were the other rules?" Sidney asked.  
  
Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn't reply.  
  
"Toni." Hawk whispered, taking one of her hands carefully. "Come on. Answer Sidney. He's here to help you."  
  
"I know," she replied. "I just. can't."  
  
"That's alright, Toni." Sid replied. "Let's talk about something else."  
  
She nodded, keeping hold of Hawkeye's hands.  
  
"What made you want to join the Army?" He asked, smiling.  
  
She closed her eyes momentarily. "I don't know. I just wanted to help out where I could be of use."  
  
"Captain Pierce please report to Colonel Potter's office." Klinger called over the camp's PA.  
  
Hawkeye glanced at Sid, who nodded, then Toni, who smiled slightly. "Duty calls." She said softly, letting go of his hands.  
  
"We'll talk later." He promised, and walked back to the camp, turning four times to look at her.  
  
"You don't find it easy to make friends, do you Toni?" Sid asked quietly, looking at her.  
  
Her eyes were on the ground again. She shook her head. "No sir."  
  
"I'm glad you've got Hawkeye with you then."  
  
"So am I." She replied, smiling faintly.  
  
"What was life like in Toledo?" He asked her.  
  
She faltered. "Toledo? Uh, alright, why do you ask?"  
  
"Just curious." He replied.  
  
She nodded silently, still no looking at him.  
  
"Toni, I need you to tell me the other rules. Can you do that?" He asked her.  
  
"NO!" She yelled. "Just leave it alone!" She stopped as soon as she started. "I'm sorry-"  
  
"That's alright, Toni." He assured her.  
  
They sat in silence for a while, until Toni felt obliged to break it.  
  
"Rule One, They ask the questions. Rule Two, Never look them in the eye, Rule Three, They are superior, Rule Four, Don't even try to escape, Rule Five, Don't hope for rescue, Rule Six, Do as they say. Rule Seven, They are in charge. Rule Eight, I am nothing, therefore worth nothing." Her shoulders shook from barely-controlled emotion.  
  
Sid watched her for a moment before gently putting an arm around her, offering comfort.  
  
She struggled out of his grasp and stood, running. Toni ran, and ran, and ran. Faster, further than she'd ever gone before. She vaguely heard someone call her name, and it made her push herself faster, faster, faster.  
  
She became aware of someone running after her.  
  
Eventually the person reached and touched her shoulder. She fell to her knees, and looked up at the person. It was her tormentor. She screamed.  
  
He shook her shoulder, and his face, and voice changed, becoming Sidney Freedman.  
  
Toni collapsed to the ground, sobbing, pounding the ground with her fists.  
  
She shook herself. Thinking about that didn't help now. She sighed, and packed one of her bags with clothes.  
  
Once that was done she walked over to Potter's office, her back straight and head high.  
  
"How can I help you, Toni?" Sherm asked, putting aside a form he was working on.  
  
"Yes, sir. I request the use of a jeep."  
  
He smiled and passed her a piece of paper. "All you have to do is sign. Is anyone joining you?"  
  
"No sir. I have to do this on my own."  
  
"Understood."  
  
She signed the paper quickly, and saluted him. He returned it, and she tuned, walking out.  
  
"Maxwell." She said, stopping at his desk.  
  
He look up slowly.  
  
"I'm going to see Hawkeye. We have more to talk about later."  
  
"Yes, we do." He agreed. "Tell Hawkeye I said hi."  
  
"Sure, see you when I get back."  
  
He nodded, and she went to get a jeep.  
  
---  
  
She amused herself by singing and humming drinking songs the men had taught her. It grew colder, and she stopped to get her jacket.  
  
As she was getting back into the jeep she heard a noise. Slowly she drew a knife from her boot and stepped back onto the road. The noise grew louder, though she could tell it wasn't getting closer.  
  
She stepped off the road, and followed the sound. She was looking around suspiciously when she saw a small bundle of cloth in front of her. She leaned over carefully, and rolled it over with the edge of her knife.  
  
A small face looked up at her, and two bright blue eyes opened to see her. The small child yawned, and closed it's hand around one of her fingers.  
  
Oh what the hell do I do now? She thought to herself. She was past halfway to where Hawkeye was being kept, so she decided to keep going.  
  
When she got into the jeep she took a closer look at it, and decided she was female, and only a few months old. How long she'd been out in the middle of nowhere Toni couldn't guess. And how she'd survived was an even bigger mystery.  
  
Shrugging, she gripped the baby tighter and started the engine.  
  
---  
  
"Corporal Toni White. I'm here to see Captain Pierce. And I found a stray on the way here."  
  
The young woman at what Toni guessed was the equivalent of reception looked at the baby and smiled. "Here I'll take her for you." She offered.  
  
"Thanks." Toni passed the infant to her, but the child still had it's hand around Toni's finger. Gently she tried to pry it from her, and the baby started crying.  
  
---  
  
"WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!"  
  
"Hawkeye, calm down."  
  
Hawk started pacing, and spoke loudly, trying to block out the sound of the baby. "I can't hear that! Nothing happened! SOMEONE SHUT THAT BABY UP!" He yelled.  
  
"Hawkeye?" A voice asked.  
  
He stopped pacing to face the person that had spoken. "Toni?" He asked.  
  
Toni ran to him and hugged him. "Yeah, it's me."  
  
He backed away from her. "What are you doing here? Did you bring that. child here?"  
  
"Yes, is that a problem? I found her on my way, I couldn't just leave her there."  
  
"I think I'll leave you two alone for a while." Sid said quietly, exiting.  
  
"How have you been?" She asked him, sitting where Sidney had vacated.  
  
He tilted his head. "How do you think I've been? Oh, it's great here. So many bright personalities to talk to. You know, I met the Statue of Liberty the other day? Oh, we had a great conversation."  
  
"Hawk-"  
  
"Well what did you think? You lock me up in this place, then ask me how I am! I feel betrayed. I have only just come to 'remember' my actual problem, now I think I'm the world's biggest fuck-up. All I need is to get out of here and I'll be fine!" He started pacing again.  
  
"Then me coming here was a waste of time then." Toni said quietly.  
  
Hawkeye looked at her harshly. "Yeah, I guess it was. Bye then."  
  
She looked at him, hurt, and he waved. She opened the door and stepped into the corridor. "And don't come back here!" He yelled as the door shut.  
  
Toni walked the opposite way she'd come, and walked out the nearest exit. She leaned against the wall for a while, staring at the sky, then closed her eyes. "God, please, if you're up there, help me. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for what I said at you earlier, but I'm scared. I really need your help on this on, Please, God, if you're up there, I need you on this. I know I have never spoken to you before, but Father Mulcahy believes in you, and I really need guidance right now. I don't want to loose Benjamin. And I will, if I don't know what to do. Please, help me." She whispered, her head lowered.  
  
---  
  
She sat on the ground, crying into her hands for what felt like hours.  
  
After a while someone sat next to her.  
  
"Are you alright, Toni?" Sid asked quietly.  
  
She shook her head. "I don't know." She replied, looking up at him, before staring at her hands again.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I asked him how he was. He mentioned meeting the Statue of Liberty, then went on to tell me what a major screw-up he is. I asked him if me coming here was a waste of time, and he said yes. Then he told me never to come back." She buried her head in her hands, and felt tears slip through her fingers to splash onto her uniform. "I prayed." She laughed. "Me, I actually prayed for help."  
  
Sidney nodded, and noticed her fingers had healed. "Your fingers look better."  
  
"Thanks. They're fine now. Can be stiff in the mornings and when it's cold, but other than that they're as good as new." She glanced at them, seeing the scars that would never fade, and curled them into a fist. "I was tempted to hit him. I don't know what held me back, but something did. Now I wish I had hit him."  
  
"Why?"  
  
She blinked. "I don't know, I guess." She admitted. "Maybe knock some sense into him."  
  
Sid laughed gently. "I think someone already tried, didn't do much good."  
  
"They probably didn't hit him hard enough." Toni commented.  
  
He turned to her. "How have you been, Toni?"  
  
"Me? Oh, I think I'm over it now." She smiled. "I was able to call Yvette a few days ago, and I also spoke to Simon, a teacher that really likes her. It was funny. He kept asking me what clothes she liked, what perfume, what chocolates. She kept yelling from the kitchen that she could hear him."  
  
Sid laughed. "Sounds like a good family over there."  
  
"Yeah. I keep wondering when she's gonna wake up and smell his aftershave, to tell you the truth."  
  
"Well, now that you've proven that you can still dodge questions, how have you been, Toni?" Sid asked again. He wasn't laughing, and there was a serious tone to his voice.  
  
She sighed. "There's no getting past you, is there?" She asked.  
  
"This conversation isn't about me, though, is it?" He replied, ignoring her bait.  
  
"I told you, I'm fine."  
  
"Toni, you look exhausted. How long has it been since you ate?" He saw he open her mouth quickly, then added, "properly?"  
  
"I don't know. How long has he been in here? I'm worried about him, Sid."  
  
"Are you still having nightmares?" He asked.  
  
"When I sleep." She replied, ignoring his questioning gaze.  
  
"Would you like to talk about them?"  
  
"They're just the same as the other I told you about, with a few others thrown about."  
  
Sid nodded. "The others, are they about Rebekka?"  
  
"Yeah, and Hawkeye."  
  
"Oh? What are the ones about Hawkeye like?"  
  
"The same as Rebekka's, I guess. It usually involves floating, a really bright light, and one or both of us dying. With some blame being sent around."  
  
"They blame you for dying?"  
  
Toni nodded. "Just stuff like I wasn't there for them and stuff. I dunno." She shrugged. "I'm fine."  
  
"I don't believe you." He stood and held out his hand. "Come on, let's go eat."  
  
.Quinn passed her a parachute. She felt the helicopter jerk. Toni jumped from the helicopter, just as it exploded into a massive fireball, burning the pilot and two soldiers that didn't have a chance to jump.  
  
".Toni? Toni!" Sid waved a hand over her eyes.  
  
"I'm here! I'm fine. Calm down."  
  
He sat next to her again. "What happened?"  
  
"I just had a flashback, that's all." She muttered. "I'm fine." She closed her eyes, and relaxed against the wall, trying to slow her breathing. That never happened! Quinn survived.  
  
Sid looked at her doubtfully, but didn't comment.  
  
Toni stood. "How about that food?" She asked. 


	12. Sword Fights at the Lake

12 - Sword Fights at the Lake  
  
Despite not eating for two days she only picked at her food.  
  
"Are you too used to that junk they serve at 4077?" Sid joked.  
  
She looked at him and smiled. "That must be it." She glanced around and saw Hawkeye walk in. Out of habit she waved to him.  
  
He glanced at her, hesitated, then sat with them.  
  
"Toni, I'm sorry-"  
  
"It's okay, Hawkeye." She replied instantly.  
  
"I'm glad you joined us, Captain. I have some good news for you."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"You're going back to 4077."  
  
Hawkeye stared at him. "What?" He asked.  
  
"You're going back to 4077."  
  
"When?" Toni and Hawkeye asked simultaneously.  
  
"Whenever Toni and you are ready to leave. I'll be coming with you."  
  
"That's great!" Toni exclaimed. "Hawk, go pack!"  
  
He smiled. "Sure, I'll be back in a minute." He stood, and seemed about to say something else, then walked from the table.  
  
Sid smiled at her, about to say something.  
  
.and Toni felt the man grab her from behind, and tried to turn. He hit her with his rifle, and Potter's door opened, revealing Max, with a knife in his hand. "Leave her alone!" He yelled, lunging for the man holding her, and his comrades shot him, leaving bloody holes in his dress. Toni felt the world go dark.  
  
.and she jerked awake on the floor of the cafeteria, with Sid's concerned face in her line of vision. Klinger is alive! It didn't happen either!  
  
"Toni, are you alright?" Sid asked, pulling her to her feet and helping her sit at the table.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?" She asked.  
  
Sidney frowned. "I don't know. Did you have another flashback?"  
  
Klinger's bloody corpse flashed into her mind and she suppressed a shudder. "No." She lied. "I'm fine." She stood. "Are you ready to come?"  
  
"I'll meet you at reception, I have to get some clothes packed."  
  
"Yes, sir." Toni tuned and walked out.  
  
---  
  
"She so cute! What are you going to do with her?" Toni asked, tickling the infant's foot.  
  
"We'll take her to one of the orphanages near here."  
  
Sid entered and caught sight of the child. "You may not want Captain Pierce to see that." He commented.  
  
Toni frowned, but gave the baby back to the receptionist. "Take care of her?" She asked.  
  
"Of course. I'm sure you'll be able to visit her in a few weeks, once she's been tested at the Orphanage."  
  
Toni smiled at the woman, and had one last look at the infant before the woman took her into another room.  
  
"Are we ready to go?" Hawkeye asked, enter with one bag over his shoulder.  
  
"Yeh, sure thing. Are you ready?" Toni asked quietly.  
  
Hawk shrugged. "I guess we'll find out, won't we." He remarked, stepping outside the building that had kept him captive for what felt like weeks. He glanced back once he was in the jeep, then shook his head gently and faced the road.  
  
Toni got into the driver's seat and Sid gave her an odd look.  
  
"Are you alright to drive?" Sid asked her.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I keep telling you that." She replied, grinning.  
  
Sidney nodded, though she could tell he didn't believe her.  
  
The trip back to 4077 was silent. Hawkeye smiled slightly at the sign, "Welcome to 4077, The Best Care In The World", but he stiffened slightly when they drove in and passed BJ, who didn't say anything to welcome his friend back.  
  
"Hey Father, how are you?" Hawkeye called.  
  
Mulcahy didn't reply, but smiled when he saw the trio. "Hawkeye! How have you been?" He asked loudly.  
  
"Oh, you know, up and down. And a bit sideways sometimes. But I'm back now, so all is good." "Yes, I agree." The Father said, then nodded to the other two and wandered off.  
  
Hawkeye jumped from the jeep before it stopped fully, and froze suddenly. "What is that?" He asked Toni.  
  
"That is a tank." She replied.  
  
"What the hell is a tank doing in a M*A*SH unit!?" Hawkeye demanded.  
  
Toni grimaced. "Well, you see-"  
  
"I go crazy, and the whole war cracks up." He muttered. "Why has no one gotten rid of it yet?!"  
  
"Uh, well, Potter had orders not to."  
  
"Okay, let's recap. I leave, I come back. BJ's pissed at me, though understandable, there's a tank in the middle of the camp, and Potter's following orders. Am I right so far?"  
  
"Two gold stars." Toni muttered.  
  
They were walking passed the OR with Sidney slightly behind them when suddenly there was an explosive noise, and the ground rocked.  
  
"Dammit! Ben, come in here. Sidney, you too!" Toni called over the noise, pulling them towards a supply room.  
  
They dove in as a second shell dropped, and were greeted by other refuge- seekers.  
  
"Pierce, you're back." Potter commented over the noise.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I thought too. Can you tell me who parked that tank in the no-tank zone? Someone will have to tow it away."  
  
Sherman sighed. "I know, but-"  
  
He was disrupted by a third shell. Sherm stood. "Alright folks, that's three, let's go and-"  
  
A fourth shell dropped, and he fell back down.  
  
"What happened to their pattern?" Mulcahy asked.  
  
"That's what I want to know." Charles spat.  
  
"That's it. Someone has to do something sane. And I'm sorry to disappoint you all, but that's gonna be me. Those shells are pissing me off already." Hawkeye said, standing up.  
  
"Pierce, sit down." Sidney ordered.  
  
"Sorry, Major. Not gonna happen. Someone has to move that tank. And seeing how everyone is following orders around here I may as well do it." Hawkeye almost fell as another shell dropped, but he kept his feet and turned to leave, despite Toni's pleas to come back.  
  
"Take your seat, Pierce." Potter ordered in what had to be the sternest voice Hawkeye had heard him use.  
  
"Uh-uh. Sorry. I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A- Train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take five." He replied, leaving the supply room.  
  
---  
  
He leaped out of the tank quickly, and stood, watching 4077 for a moment before a shell that dropped one meter from where he stood jerked him back into action.  
  
Potter, Toni, Sid and Klinger watched him as nurses congratulated him, and he shook it off jokingly.  
  
Toni wondered if she was the only one that realized his jokes were sarcastic, and that he was acting the way his natural defence came to him, all jokes. Then she took a glance at Sid's un-amused face and knew he realized the same thing.  
  
"Sid, I think you should have another talk to him." Potter commented.  
  
"I was planning on it." The other man replied dryly.  
  
Toni sighed, and walked over to her tent. After half an hour of staring at the roof she got up and retrieved her sword from it's customary spot behind her desk.  
  
She smiled and picked up the other one, too. She'd had Yvette mail it to her when Hawkeye had expressed an interest in learning how to use it. That had been two months ago. A very long two months ago, but she suspected he'd be there now, waiting for her.  
  
She out them both gently into their respective bags, then walked to the algae-covered swamp. As she had suspected he was there, facing the swamp, with his back to her.  
  
He turned as she approached though, and accepted Rebekka's sword from her.  
  
They stretched together, by now they had their movements so coordinated Hawkeye could have been Toni's shadow, then warmed up using the same movements.  
  
Finally Toni nodded, and they saluted each other, then stood ready, neither moving, waiting for the other to strike.  
  
.Rebekka snapped her sword to her, and she parried the blow, turning her parry into a thrust, that Rebekka dodged.  
  
.Hawkeye followed the dodge with a quick forward roll, forcing Toni to step forward to continue her attack.  
  
... and Toni dropped to one knee as Rebekka stood, slashing at her friend's unprotected arm. Rebekka pulled her arm free just in time.  
  
...But Toni saw some blood seep through her friend's shirt. Hawkeye responded with an attack of his own, bringing his sword up.  
  
. Toni knelt again and put her sword up, parallel to the ground, above her head. She timed it perfectly, and as Rebekka's sword hit her she pushed upward.  
  
. making an almost deafening crash as the two blades struck. Hawkeye got thrown slightly off balance, and Toni took her opportunity, using her advantage of being lower to kick out with her right leg.  
  
. and Rebekka went flying backward, the sword landing five meters from where she lay. . Hawkeye grabbed for the sword, but Toni kicked it away, and held her blade's tip against his throat.  
  
"I yield." He commented dryly, peeling off his shirt to examine the gash she'd made.  
  
"Oh, Ben, I'm sorry. Are you alright?" She asked, dropping to her knees to help him.  
  
"I'm fine. It's just a scratch." He replied, sitting up.  
  
She helped him up carefully. "Let's get you back to the OR. I'll clean it up for you."  
  
"Alright, just let me put this back on." He said, pulling his shirt back on.  
  
Toni smiled, then helped him up. Carefully she put their blades away, wiping hers on the grass to get rid of Hawkeye's blood. 


	13. To Hell With Korea, Here, Have a Sword!

13 - To Hell With Korea, Here, Have a Sword!  
  
"Attention all personnel! Great news! We are two hours away from peace! America and Korea have signed a peace treaty, in two hours we can all go home!" Klinger yelled over the PA.  
  
Toni stared at Hawkeye in shock.  
  
"We're going home!" He yelled, grabbing Toni and hugging her tightly.  
  
She smiled, and returned it, overjoyed.  
  
"It's over. It's really over. Oh my God. THE WAR IS OVER!" Hawkeye let go of Toni and ran outside, jumping and yelling. "I'm going home! Woohoo! We're all going home!" He ran into Sidney, and grabbed the man's hands, skipping in circles. "I'm going home!" He yelled, then ran into the Swamp. "Beej, we're going home! You can see Peg again!"  
  
The other man grinned. "Yeah, I know."  
  
"Attention all personnel. The war my be over in two hours but the Koreans are shooting while they can. We have wounded. Bet them while they're fresh!" Klinger called over the PA.  
  
"Aw, shit." Hawkeye commented, back to normal. "Duty calls."  
  
He met back up with Toni at the chopper bay. "Hey again."  
  
"Hey Ben. How you feeling?" She asked.  
  
"You know, you're the only person around here that calls me Ben."  
  
"I know." Toni smiled, continuing to get patient details.  
  
Hawkeye grinned. "I can live with that." He smiled.  
  
"Aruuuugh!" Someone shrieked.  
  
Hawkeye's head snapped around, and he saw a soldier screaming in pain.  
  
"Jesus. Beej get over here!" He yelled. "Toni, you gotta help me."  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Hold him down. I can't do anything with him thrashing around like that. BEEJ!"  
  
The other man appeared at Hawkeye's shoulder. "What can I- ah shit." He finished when he saw the man.  
  
"He's on the stretcher, help me get him to the OR. Toni, you're doing a good job, keep it up." Hawkeye wiped sweat off his brow, and twisted his back for a moment, before carrying the man to the OR. "Shit." He whispered, and his hands shook and the man almost slipped off.  
  
"You alright?" BJ asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." He snapped in reply.  
  
Toni and BJ shared a concerned look, but there was no time to debate the issue.  
  
Together they carried the man, and carefully dumped him on a spare bed. Margaret and most of her nurses were standing by already, and Charles was already working on someone.  
  
Hawkeye had taken a moment to give triage duty to Potter before they had carried the man to surgery.  
  
As soon as they had finished patching up their first BJ left Hawkeye to star on someone else, and Hawkeye was re-directed to another patient.  
  
An eight year old girl. "What the fuck is she doing here?" He demanded, and noticed her eyes were open. "And what is she doing awake?"  
  
"You alright over there, Pierce?" Potter asked, and Hawkeye realized that triage must be over.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's her I'm worried about." He snapped, turning so a nurse could put a new mask on him. He pulled his own gloves on, tightly, making them snap as he let go.  
  
"Can you do her? We can swap if you want."  
  
Hawkeye glanced up at Potter, unsure. His eyes flicked to Sid, who was dressed to help. He bit his lip. "I'm fine. Let's do this." He snapped. "She's my patient."  
  
---  
  
She walked through the camp, her hands in her pockets, the two swords in their bags hanging over each shoulder.  
  
She'd been trying to find Hawkeye for at least half an hour now, all the patients were done and the peace treaty had gone into effect five minutes ago. Sid hadn't been the only one to miss his presence at the party.  
  
"Ben?" She called, as she hurried to their lake, the bags swinging gently against her back.  
  
He didn't turn as she approached, but she knew he'd heard her. "Hey Toni. How can I help you?"  
  
"I have to talk to you. The treat was just put in place. We're all going home."  
  
"Yeah, I know that much." He commented dryly.  
  
She joined him at the edge of the lake, staring out into it's murky depths. "I-" She paused. "I'm really gonna miss you, Benjamin."  
  
"So? We're all gonna miss each other. We can stay in touch."  
  
"That's what I want. So, that's why I am not asking you to marry me." She knelt in front of him, and lowered her head, holding Rebekka's sword over it.  
  
A long moment passed, but Toni didn't move.  
  
"Toni, do you know what you are asking?"  
  
"Yes, I do. And I want this. And I need to know if you want the same thing." She replied softly, without looking up at him.  
  
She felt the blade being taken from her hands, and heard him breathe deeply.  
  
"Toni, when I first saw you, you were kneeling in front of a Korean man, with Jack beside you, and Quinn beside me."  
  
Toni's cheek twitched. She hadn't seen Quinn since the night he'd arrived.  
  
"You were staring straight ahead, despite the gun that was digging into your back. You knew what was coming and faced it down." Hawkeye crouched down. "I have to tell you this. Jack knew who the Korean man was going to shoot. It was going to be you the whole time. He moved in front of the gun, a second before the man shot. When Jack to the bullet for you, I knew it was for a reason."  
  
"Jack took the bullet for me?" She whispered, looking down.  
  
"Yes. You know his last words?"  
  
She shook her head. She had been out cold by the time Hawkeye and BJ had gotten to them. "'Take care of her'. And I promised I would. I was in love with you from the moment I met you."  
  
"You never told me."  
  
"I wanted you to know when you were ready. And now you are, I want you to know I would be honoured to be your husband." Hawkeye slung the sword over his shoulder, and took her hands.  
  
They stood together, and walked back to the party, hand-in-hand.  
  
---  
  
"Well, it's been a long war, folks. But you know what? If only one good thing has come out of it, it's that two people from the MASH unit 4077 have finally come to their senses. Your very own Chief Surgeon, and everyone's favourite female paper-shuffler, are getting married!" Hawkeye announced.  
  
There was silence, then BJ started clapping. Then the whole room burst into claps, and cheers.  
  
Through the noise a voice came through. "I thought I was everyone's favourite female paper-shuffler." Klinger said in a mock-hurt voice.  
  
Toni burst out laughing, and was soon joined by the rest of the camp.  
  
"And so, I have to ask, Father Mulcahy, will you marry us?" Toni asked.  
  
"I would be delighted!"  
  
"And, BJ, would you be my best man?" Hawkeye requested.  
  
"All you have to do is ask."  
  
"Major Houlihan, would you be my bridesmaid?" Toni asked.  
  
"I would be honoured."  
  
"Colonel Potter, will you give me away?"  
  
"Depends on who to. Anyone aside from Pierce and the answer is no!"  
  
"I'll take that as a yes then." Toni replied, smiling.  
  
"We have made our own vows, and here they are."  
  
"Alright then." Mulcahy replied, taking the paper from Hawkeye. "Captain Benjamin Pierce, will you take Corporal Toni White as your wife?"  
  
"You bet."  
  
"Corporal Toni White, will you take Captain Benjamin Pierce as your husband?"  
  
"You bet."  
  
"I now announce you husband and wife!"  
  
"But we didn't do anything!" BJ, Houlihan and Potter exclaimed.  
  
Hawkeye shrugged. "What can we say?" He asked.  
  
The three sighed, but let it pass. As long as the married couple was happy, the were.  
  
"So where are you two gonna live?"  
  
"Crabapple Cove." Toni replied, grinning.  
  
---  
  
"So I guess this is the big Goodbye I always hear about."  
  
"Yeah, I guess this is it." BJ agreed.  
  
"I'm sorry about-"  
  
Beej grinned. "Hey, it's all in the past, What matters is that we're all getting out of this alive, and in one piece. And that means both of you."  
  
Toni smiled, her arm firmly around Hawkeye's waist. BJ didn't think it had moved since they had gotten married.  
  
The three hugged tightly, just seeking comfort in each other, knowing they were all alive, and it wasn't a twisted dream.  
  
"Well, this is it then." BJ said, putting his hands in his back pockets.  
  
"Yeah, it is. You get to see Peg and the kids again."  
  
"Yeah." BJ agreed.  
  
They finally let go. "We gotta go." Hawkeye commented, indicating to the impatient jeep river behind them.  
  
"Yeah, I think you should."  
  
"If you don't call me in a month I will go looking for you." Hawkeye threatened.  
  
"And I'll be with him!" Toni added, grinning.  
  
"Maybe that won't be so bad." BJ replied, smiling. "Go on, your limo awaits."  
  
Hawkeye and Toni backed to the jeep, and made sure there stuff was packed.  
  
"Hang on a second." Hawkeye rummaged around in his suitcases, and pulled out his red robe.  
  
"You're keeping that?" Toni demanded.  
  
"Of course!" He replied, indignant. He slipped it on, and sat in the jeep.  
  
Toni and Hawkeye waved as everyone came out to bid them farewell.  
  
They could still hear the cheers even as the MSH 4077 unit was out of sight.  
  
Toni put her arm around Hawkeye, and closed her eyes. Finally she could enjoy life with someone she loved.  
  
Ah, the joyous end. Yes, yes, yes, R&R at ensign_for_christ@hotmail.com. 


End file.
